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Top Bachelor Links of the Week (Feb 6-12)

Phaistosdiskcode

Phaistos Disk-1700BC. Can you crack the code?

Last week was most notable for the Super Bowl and some heavy changes in Egypt that hopefully don’t make things worse than they were (cross your fingers on that power vacuum).  On a somewhat lighter note, I’ve gathered some nifty new weblinks from last week that might be of interest to the bachelor folk. 

1. The Best & Worst Cities For MenMen’s Health graded 100 major cities in the US using several criteria, including health & social factors.  I was pretty stoked because my city, Lincoln, Nebraska, came in 6th! (Lincoln’s done fantastically on several comparison lists over the last few years, which gives me some consolation since I don’t live in the Pacific Northwest.)  Take a look to see if your city made the list.

2. 10 Man Caves The real estate site Zillow.com made a list of 10 great man caves, including Larry the Cable Guy’s man cave.  Not so much bachelor pads as bachelor islands in the seas of marriage.  Or something. 

3. Top 10 Uncracked Codes If you thought women were hard to crack, check out these 10 codes that have stymied cryptologists for years.  One was even written by the composer Elgar in 1897.  Maybe you can crack them (probably not).  My brother sent me this link.

4. $20,000 To Hack Chrome For all you computer geniuses and/or nerds (like my college roommate Ted) who need legal & financially happy outlets for your hacking skills, check out Google’s offer of $20,000 to anyone who can hack their Chrome browser during an event in Vancouver next month.

5. 2045:  The Year Man Becomes Immortal (The Singularity)
This was a fascinating article from Time about Ray Kurzweil’s belief in ‘The Singularity’, where computers may soon far surpass human intelligence resulting in humans merging with machines in one of a couple ways.  A fascinating read, if potentially disconcerting.  Cyborg stuff.

6. 6 New Mythbusting Rules for Singles– Match.com surveyed 5,000 single men & women and found some surprising things that defied stereotypes, including that men fall in love more quickly and are more eager to have children.  Why must they tell our secrets?

7. Silver Bullion Backwardation Suggests Supply Stress-Running out of silver?  Sort of.  The demand is greater than the current supply which means prices should continue to run up for some time.  The article explains backwardation and what that means for the price of silver.  I started watching silver prices last summer when they were at the $17.50 an ounce level.  Today silver is just over $30/oz and this particular article expects it to reach as much as $130 in the not too distant future.  The instability of our fiat currencies certainly helps silver and gold, but gold is a bit high for the average investor (currently over $1360 an ounce).  Silver is outpacing gold with help from it’s many industrial uses, including it’s use as a conductor in solar power cells.  The article doesn’t quite suggest you run to your local coin dealer and stock up, hoarding silver in a hole in your backyard for retirement and/or nuclear fallout, but it didn’t really need to.  I think there was a link for that.

The secret word is cryptology

Listomania!

17 Types of Bachelor Pads

My Bucket List: 100 Things To Do Before I Die

11 Steps To Becoming A Domesticated Bachelor

My 11 Favorite Christmas Albums

30 Favorite Songs of 2009 (1-15)

My 25 Humanoid Things

9 Foods I Might as Well Move To the Bomb Shelter

Timely Link

Valentine’s Day Shame

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A Moment of Silence For Natalie Portman’s Singleness

natalieportmanblackswanpregnantengaged

by Jonathan Bryan Perry

Well dudes, by now you’ve heard the sad news that Natalie Portman is engaged & ‘with child’, as they say.  This effectively takes her off the market (though certainly she’s in a different market from, you know, us).  So, let’s have a moment of silence for Natalie Portman’s singleness.    Good.  Thanks.  Obviously, she’s not dead, but the love song I wrote for her, “Natalie Portman is Hot”, is now moot (yes, Myrtle & Blanche, I wrote love songs for other women.  And I totally rhymed hot with Huguenot.).  It doesn’t matter that I sang all 8 parts of the harmony way better than The Bee Gees or The King’s Singers ever could and I didn’t even have to undergo drastic countertenor/falsetto ‘enhancement’ surgeries.  Mostly.

Anyway Natalie, I just want to take a minute to remember ‘us’ and the special times we spent together over the years:  You acting all royal in Star Wars prequels.  Me watching alone in the dark in my Han Solo duds (ok, a Wookiee costume).  You listening to The Shins with Zach Braff in Garden State.  Me jealously wanting to lend you some slightly better Indie-ish music I was listening to at the time.  Me watching you rap awesomely on that SNL sketch.  Me Googling photos of you.  For my blog.  Really.

natalieportmanstarwars

more extreme make-up. Nat in Star Wars

Yes guys, Natalie Portman’s all gone.  It was coming, though.  We all saw it.  After she went off to that fancy university with the rich boys, you know, to emphasize her smarts with her hots, there was a poignant stripper pole scene somewhere (This is off point.  Or is it?).  Now, of course, it ends with one of her co-stars.  The collective mourning probably started back when she shaved her head in V for Vendetta (and for the super-lame ending of the movie.  WTH?), but we at least knew her hair would grow back.  Also, she does have a nice skull.  Yes, there were signs.  We’ll take some solace knowing she spent some ‘special’ time with Mila Kunis in The Black Swan.  This will help. Truly.

Now, being engaged does not make one married, but when there’s a baby involved, you don’t mess with it, cuz, well, you know…  So, with much sadness, I’ll man up and wish her all the happiness in the world.  Maybe dress in a black Sith outfit for a few days before I start Googling pics of the secretarial pool from Mad Men.  For my blog, of course.

Natalie, may the force be with you.  Also, I think Jonathan is a great name for a baby.

The secret word is mourning

Related Blogginess

Intimidated by Smart Girls? (featuring Natalie Portman)

Take the pseudo-Cosmo quiz to find out your type ->

http://www.thedomesticatedbachelor.com/2009/02/27/which-is-your-type-a-pseudo-cosmo-quiz/

Read more on types of women:

Celebrity Crushes: Is Elegance Elitist?

Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door

Sound of Music DEATH MATCH!!! Liesl v Maria

Other Swellness

No Mom, I’m Not Gay

The Great Massage Adventure

Every time you click an ad, an angel gets its wings.  Also, I get like 12 cents.

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Top 5 Reasons Women Choose to Stay Single

{This is the 1st in our series, Inside the Female Mind}

(Our guest blogger is Louise Baker.  Louise is a freelance writer whose articles have been featured by MSN, Publisher’s Weekly, About.com and the Consumerist.  She writes for ZenCollegeLife.com.)

Reason Number Five: Religious

Incompatible religious beliefs are a big deal breaker even for new romances, and usually cause a stall in the relationship even where the couple is able to enjoy each other’s company in social settings. While tolerance is the watch word nowadays, many women feel their personal religious sentiments (or lack thereof) are ties to emotional wellbeing, and find that a mutual agreement in this area is a must for an intimate relationship. Not having that connection keeps a girl going solo.

Reason Number Four: Financial

In these tumultuous financial times, it’s tough enough to pay your own bills, and some women aren’t willing to require financial statements before making an emotional commitment. Being wary about the man in the equation and his math aptitude, rather than getting some ugly financial news (i.e. poor credit score, no savings, past due car payments) after the relationship has grown, Frugal Felicia turns down the applicant and stays single rather than spending years in a relationship paying down someone else’s past due child support.

Reason Number Three: Personal Goals

It’s much easier to keep your eye on the goal when it’s not being distracted by a glint in someone else’s. The need to pursue a college degree or the “perfect” career choice can be too demanding to find time to spend with someone else. Many women know that goals can be fleeting and feel that the prize belongs to the youngest prettiest, contestant. With those golden years passing by quickly, staying single to meet personal goals can be the quick ticket to get where you want to go without extra baggage.

Reason Number Two: High Expectations

Sometimes it’s expectations that have women choosing to stay single. After sitting down and making “must have”, “would like to have” and “can do without” lists, a lot of women find that no one guy can fit their high expectations. But who can blame them? After waiting for Prince Charming all their life and knowing they deserve only the best, staying single can be so much more attractive than settling for second best.

Top Reason Number One: Self Satisfaction

Being content with her own life (being gratified with her work, her art, her family and friends) is the number one reason why women choose to stay single. Not having to deal with someone else’s annoying habits, or being criticized for your own, can really bring peace to any mind. Not answering to anyone else, and being so comfortable in the single woman’s place in this world, is a really fabulous way to keep putting yourself first and foremost at all times.

Louise Baker is a freelance blogger and journalist who writes for Zen College Life, the directory of higher education, distance learning, and online schools. She most recently wrote about the top online accredited colleges.

Related Reading:

Nice Guys Finish Last:  Why Women Women are Attracted to Bad Boys (2nd in the series)

Bachelor Secrets Part 1: Why Are They Single?

Bachelor Secrets Part 2:  Dating Habits

Intimidated By Smart Girls?

My Bucket List:  100 Things To Do Before I Die

Changing Your Relationship Status on a Social-Networking Site

Couples Vs Singles:  Socialization

Dating Advice From The Family

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To My Married Female Friends

Dear Awesome Married Female Friends,

I want to thank you so so much for the generously sweet pity you’ve shown me in offering to set me up with your single female friends.  Look at you being all matchmakey.  I know you’ve given it considerable thought in deciding I was possibly among the least heinous of the single guys you know who might be suitable for dating your friends and I could not be more appreciative.

Surprisingly, your single female friends (SFF) seem completely non-mutant, even pretty, happy, interesting, and well-adjusted for people forced to live in places like Canada, Hawaii and the east coast.  And Michigan.  I’m only mildly suspicious.  Thank you for letting me see pictures.  This is vitally important.  Feel free to email pics to me anytime.  I commend you on your fine suggestions and am aware that it reflects on how you view me (as possibly one of the least heinous single dudes you know).

While it may seem I have looked the gift horse in the mouth, seen the uvula, and chosen a vow of continual solitude, this isn’t quite the case and I still stand by my concern at the inherent problems in a long-distance relationship (really, this is only slightly a ruse).  In fact, at this very moment I am yet considering these most important and intriguing opportunities (that all seem to have weirdly come around the same time.  I don’t suspect my mom yet.) and am weighing them against my cowardice.  I fully appreciate your willingness to allow time for my deepest contemplation and over-analysis (analysis paralysis).

As I arrange my fantasy baseball roster for the day, I’ll reflect on what wonderful friends I have, what’s wrong with their friends, whether I should play Kosuke Fukudome in right field, why I shouldn’t mispronounce his name that way, and how big a dork I really am.

Thank you again so much,
Jonathan
(By the way, your hair looked really nice today.)

The secret fake word is matchmakey

Related Reads:

Google-Stalking the Ex

Couples v Singles:  Socialization

Bachelor Secrets 2-Dating Habits

Bachelor Secrets 1- Why Are They Single?

World Of Warcraft…Dating?

Dating Advice From The Family

Family Advice: A Reversal (Sort Of)

Dating Satisfaction Survey

Changing Your Relationship Status On A Social-Networking Site

More, Even:

Bachelors in History

Which is Your Type? A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz

Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door

Celebrity Crushes: Is Elegance Elitist?

Valentine’s Day Shame

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    A Bachelor President For Presidents’ Day

    Some presidents have acted like bachelors (Bill, we’re talking about you), but there’s only been one real bachelor US president.  This Presidents’ Day we remember that dead presidential single dude and his, um, frustrations (he probably bypassed Valentine’s Day, too).  Who is he?

    (read The Bachelor President)

    Valentine Reading: Valentine’s Day Shame

    Related Reading:

    Bachelor Profiles: Mad King Ludwig

    Bachelor Profiles:  Vincent Van Gogh

    Bachelor Profiles: Sherlock Holmes

    BACHELORS IN CATHOLICISM

    Bachelors In History

    Famous Historical Bachelors-A List

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    No Mom, I’m NOT Gay

    by Jonathan Butch Perry

    Totally not gay Bert and Ernie

    So, I enjoyed watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy when it first came out (Haha!  Came out.).  This fun show speaks to me in many ways. It reaches me on different levels.  Well, maybe two levels.  First, I identify with the sloppy heteros (straight dudes) in need of special direction as these are my people and I, too, am in need of free clothes (See how I start with clarification?).  Secondly, the effeminate are often an amusing folk.  They are a peculiar people.  I have been amused by the effeminate since I discovered Dana Carvey’s Church Lady during the golden age of Saturday Night Live in the 80s, and since I learned that my uncle Bud and his friend Frank were more than just roommates like Ernie and Bert (I still don’t buy into that Ernie and Bert gay thing and my letters to the Children‘s Television Workshop have gone unheeded).

    Frank, whom my brothers and I somehow learned to call Aunt Frank, successfully plays up his gayness and this has perhaps increased his hilarity manifold.   Even before we knew about homosexuality, my younger brother Jay, at a rather young age, was impressed enough with Frank that one day at dinner he told Frank he wanted to marry him.  Later that evening, our frightened parents sat us down and delicately explained for the first time the special nature of Uncle Bud and Aunt Frank’s relationship.  Oh, and homosexuality.  Perhaps our parents prayed long and hard in an all night vigil filled with weeping and gnashing of teeth.  Jay and I were probably aged 5 and 7 (Chris wasn‘t alive yet), so there might have been a small comprehension gap.  As we were pastor’s kids, it was also explained to us that though homosexuality is a sin, we still love the people even though they are condemned to an eternity of dry skin and bad hair days.  So, there you go.  As I write this I feel a little dirty, like I’m outing someone (My brother Jay is married, by the way.  To a woman.).  It’ll be ok.

    Now, because I am a single male past the marriageable prime of college age and don’t date excessively it has been suspected by various members of my family, mostly aunts, that I “play for the wrong team“.  I would like to take this opportunity and state for the record once and for all that, though I am a San Francisco Giants’ fan, I am not gay.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that (if you don‘t mind eternal dry skin).

    Once, when I was about 18, I went with my family to San Francisco to visit Uncle Bud.  While we were there being tourists and waiting for the cable car, I got separated from my family in a way I cannot recollect.  I dutifully stood at the corner alone waiting for the family car to collect me.  In the meantime, a fine fellow emerged from the cocktail bar across the street, made his way over to me and started talking.  It became apparent that he was gay.  And on a mission.  Or something.

    ad hoc Halloweenery in college. I’m hamming it up in the horns. Preemptive blackmail pic posting.

    “My friends and I have been watching you for a while and we’re not sure what you’re doing, but I wanted to invite you over for a drink.”

    My memory is a little fuzzy at this point as I seem to have had several moderate brain spasms.  Possibly strokes.  Am I being hit on by a gay man?  Does he think I’m gay?  Oh Lord!  He thinks I’m an amateur male hooker!  You know, I do actually look pretty good today. As if the wind had been knocked out of me, I weakly responded with something like “No thanks.  I’m just waiting for my ride”.  (I should have clarified that my mom was my ride and not some random John.)

    Not easily dissuaded, he responded, “Well if your ride doesn’t come, come on over and join us.”
    (Join us!)  It’s fun to stay at the YMCA!

    Thankfully, the fine fellow returned to his cocktail bar (apropos name, no?) and my ride came a few minutes later, but I swear to you, that as the family car pulled up, I saw the guy leaving the bar again and coming back in my general direction.  And I never did get to ride the trolley.

    Now, it may seem I’m protesting too much and this may seem suspicious.  It’s possible that I don’t help matters when I goof around and act effeminate for laughs or dress up in drag (rarely) just for kicks.  I may have confused a few people there.  Also, I’m not especially butch (though I totally outbutch my brothers).  It’s not like I hunt, race cars, or go to strip clubs.  In fact I enjoy the fine arts, classical music, dig the music of the Pet Shop Boys, and can be seen watching HGTV for hours at a time.  But I also enjoy sports, own a power drill, have a cool hockey scar, and love women, not in the way gay men love Cher or Madonna, but actually love women.  I am very much attracted to women.  At least the attractive ones (of course intelligence, personality, humor, and superior baking skills are also prized).

    This last year, when I made a brief visit to Chinatown in San Francisco I walked past a gay couple who were dressed alike in leather vests with no shirts on underneath.  I actually felt bad for their poor taste in fashion and thought that they’d just fallen into a tragic gay stereo-type that should have long ago been amended.  It seemed a bit ironic considering gays seem to have fashion figured out.  Usually.  Also, when I walked by these oddly dressed guys, I was careful not to look away too much or stare too much.  It was the sort of awkward situation where you try not to look away or stare at the person with the extra nose or very large mole, but acknowledge the person as if he were normal and nothing to gawk at or flee from.  It’s hard sometimes, like walking a P.C. tightrope.  Curse you, P.C.!

    There was an awkward moment in college when one guy wanted to hang out, you know, like that.  It’s cool when people are attracted to you, but weird when such a person is almost female, but not quite.  Barking up the wrong tree.  Once, when pressed in kind of a joking way, I actually told my mother and aunt that I was not (and still not), in fact, gay.  I’m not completely sure I convinced them.  Strangely, they would be ok with this.  It would resolve the problem of my non-married state and they would be on the front line of the codebreakers.  But there is no code.  It seems I’ll have to start peppering my conversations with more words like ‘boobs’ and ‘babe’ and ‘dude’ (maybe not ‘boobs’ at work).  This should clarify things.

    What assumptions have people made about you because of your marital status?  Have family members ever asked you this sort of stuff?  What did you say? Did you start acting really tough and macho, overcompensating?

    The Secret word is really.

    Unrelated Reading:

    Google-Stalking the Ex

    Dating Advice From the Family

    Valentine’s Day Shame

    Sound Of Music Death Match!!!  Liesl v Maria

    Bachelors In History

    Esperanto Rhymes with Tonto

    11 Steps To Becoming A Domesticated Bachelor

    The Prophecy of the Tornado and the Trailer

    Logan’s Run and Population Control

    Kitten of Evil

    Will Your Siblings Use Up the Good Names?

    Couples vs Singles

    Which is Your Type?  A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz



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    The Jaded Sage And What Women Want

    The Fonz

    The Fonz

    When I sent out my bachelor questionnaire (read Part 1: Why Are They Single? & Part 2: Dating Habits), most of the guys who responded actually answered the questions.  This one response was the exception.  Instead, I got a bit of sage, if maybe somewhat jaded, advice from one of the older bachelors about what women want, which suggests I may have a few problems, but what does he know?  Also, I didn’t actually ask about how to score with women, but…

    “Confidentially, I must say that if you really want to score with women…don’t believe them when they say “I want a nice guy next time.”  Women don’t know themselves in a conscious way.  What they really want, what they’re attracted to is… a confident bad boy they can change to be nice to them.  A problem is he’ll never actually change and if he did, they would get bored with him.  I believe a non-respectful bad boy arouses a woman’s libido a lot more than a sweet nice guy.  A guy needs to learn not to care too much… or at least to have a healthy indifference.  That attracts women a lot more than being a sweet, sappy hungry-looking insecure little boy.  They want a guy who is in control of the social situation, can keep the conversation going, listens, and asks just enough questions to allow her to do about 85% of the talking.  Women like a guy who not only listens, but understands, and asks for clarification on things as necessary in an effort to get the gist of what it is she’s really trying to say.”

    This has some ideas similar to those in the Brigitte Dale video about Nice Guys.  Also, the part about a woman wanting a guy she can change is similar to PM Chin‘s acknowledgment in her article Turnabout is Fairplay that women look at men like fixer-uppers. There seem to be some valid points here, but I’m sure it varies since, you know, women vary and stuff.  What do you goats think?  More specifically, what do you women think?  Is there value to this?  Some points yes, some points no?

    Related Reading:

    Online Dating:  Should You Try It?

    Google-Stalking the Ex

    Bachelor Secrets 2-Dating Habits

    Bachelor Secrets 1- Why Are They Single?

    Couples vs Singles: Socialization

    World Of Warcraft…Dating?

    Dating Advice From The Family

    Family Advice: A Reversal (Sort Of)

    Dating Satisfaction Survey

    Changing Your Relationship Status On A Social-Networking Site

    Secrets Of Robot Women

    Bachelors in History

    Which is Your Type? A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz

    Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door

    Celebrity Crushes: Is Elegance Elitist?

    Valentine’s Day Shame

    Visually-Oriented Women

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    Online Dating: Should You Try It?

    by Jonathan Beriberi Perry

    It seems that the future of dating is here and its name is legion, for we are many! Actually, it‘s ‘online dating‘.  If you’re a shy person who doesn’t get out much or someone who’s already exhausted the shallow pool of singles in your area, or if you just live in a small backwoods community in the hills where it turns out the only eligible females in the town are your blood relatives, then online dating might be your bag.  Really, it’s even good for normal people in normal sized towns who want to increase their chances of finding that special someone without leaving the couch or putting on pants.  I know of at least 5 couples that have met online and developed person to person relationships, some of them arguably normal, and even though only 2 of these couples are still together, online dating seems to be an effective means of getting people together.  It’s a technological matchmaker.

    See.  No Pants.

    See. No Pants.

    Heretofore, the cultivation of personal social skills, mono a mono action (not fencing), was needed to just get into conventional dating, and for those of us poor single saps who are past our golden college years, there’s a decrease in premium opportunities to practice and keep these dating skills sharp unless you’ve mastered the barhopping scene or don’t mind risking the HR problems at work.  Online dating opens up your options incredibly.

    One of my friends, we’ll call him Yorick, recently had a rewarding relationship that started on a non-dating social networking site that we’ll call Ego Air (like no one will decode that).  He only got onto the site after his sister set up a profile for him as a surprise, so this dating relationship was a happy accident because he wasn‘t looking to date.  He felt disinclined to put himself out there until he’d taken care of a few personal issues first which caused him low self-esteem and periodic melancholy (He has a weirdly-shaped head.  I think it‘s fine.).  Yorick was only looking for old friends online and had little notion to date, but it was through these old school friends that he was introduced to a lovely young lady who still had most of her teeth.  They dated a few months and, though the person to person relationship didn’t quite work as well as it had online, they had a good time and learned a lot from the experience.  Sure.  Let’s be optimistic (Alas, poor Yorick. See, that‘s why I used the name.).

    I may even try the online dating thing myself sometime.  Or not.  I’d probably use one of those scientific dating sites with the quizzes and personality assessments, so there‘d be some pretense of choosiness to back up my own weird standards.  Of course, I‘d have to study up to find out which sites are better and how best to interact with female humans online.

    online datingHowever, because I’m a coward and currently unprepared for the world of online dating, and possibly the other kinds, I’ll have to defer to the experience of another friend, Gregg.  My buddy Gregg has been dating online for a few years now and has met dozens, nay, scores of prospects from all over the world through several dating sites, though it seems many of the girls, especially from Ukraine or Nigeria, often just want money (I‘m sure there are plenty of fine, upstanding young ladies from these wonderful countries who aren’t asking for money (upfront) and don’t want to be lumped with the others, but, whoomp, there it is.).

    These women are quick to profess their love and just need some financial assistance for their visa fees or travel arrangements or to pay their hospital bills from that terrible plane crash in the blizzard with Buddy Holly, The Big Bopper and that guy who sang “La Bamba“.  Despite these needy few, Gregg enjoys dating online and seems casual about it, making good friendships.  He hasn’t paid any visa fees.  Yet.  He’s even met one or two of the young ladies in person, though the relationships haven’t gone further.  Maybe one will stick for him at some point.  I hope so.  He’s a super guy.  Nicely-shaped head.

    Gregg inspires me to think that I should get back in the game again, but I still feel a bit cautious about online dating.  Or calling it ’the game’, because that‘s a hugely dorky sounding name which should be expunged from all communication.  I may stick with the mono a mono stuff.  I hear HR is more lenient this year, so there you go.

    Tenuously Related Reading:

    Google-Stalking the Ex

    Bachelor Secrets 2-Dating Habits

    Bachelor Secrets 1- Why Are They Single?

    Couples vs Singles: Socialization

    World Of Warcraft…Dating?

    Dating Advice From The Family

    Family Advice: A Reversal (Sort Of)

    Dating Satisfaction Survey

    Changing Your Relationship Status On A Social-Networking Site

    Secrets Of Robot Women

    Bachelors in History

    Which is Your Type? A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz

    Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door

    Celebrity Crushes: Is Elegance Elitist?

    Valentine’s Day Shame

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    Secrets Of The Modern Bachelor:
    Part 2. Dating Habits

    by Jonathan Bogart Perry

    Dating-knocked upIn my last post, Secrets Of The Modern Bachelor: Part 1. Why Are They Single?, we met the members of our esteemed bachelor panel who told us they’re single for reasons other than that they‘re mutants and lazy.  Their answers ranged from being too busy for relationships, to taking time off from them, to fear, to just not being ready to settle down.  One bachelor has the fake name Raoul, which I very much like for a fake name (I came up with it, cuz it‘s my study).

    In the following paragraphs, we find out about their dating habits, as if they’re rats to be studied.  We also tackle the pros and cons of singleness and the bachelors’ interactions with couples.

    Types and Frequency of Dating

    When asked about dating frequency, our bachelors had a large range.  One dated regularly, perhaps once every ten days to two weeks on average.  Another dated a few times a year, dating one woman for several months at a time.  The last two guys had only been on a few dates ever in their lives.  Some of the guys who didn’t really like the stress of dating, only dated when they were seriously interested in a woman.  They considered themselves to be super-picky.

    One lucky bachelor had actually been set up on a blind date and was about to go on a rare follow-up date, but didn’t really expect much from it because the first date hadn’t gone so hot.  I’m not quite sure how they wrangled that second date.  The other guys hadn’t been set up on blind dates, with one thinking he wouldn’t take it very seriously, while another had so far refused the set-up date, only allowing for it under the strictest conditions that it’s a well-trusted friend who’s a very good salesperson that arranges this uncomfortable, though well-vetted, set-up.

    The questions I was interested in the most were about online dating:  had the bachelors dated online and what were their experiences?  Online dating is something I’ve  considered (Sort of.  Not really.), but I definitely wanted some good feedback first from the poor guinea pig saps who‘ve already tried it.  James H thought online dating was ok, but preferred personal introductions from friends.  He pointed out how easy it is to lie on a profile or use fake or old pictures.  Nathan hadn’t tried online dating, but had the same concerns.  Josh had tried it, wasn’t impressed by it, and said he’d never do it again.  Raoul didn’t think he’d ever use it, citing the differences between online and real life.

    James S was more positive.  He’d dated online and didn’t think it was bad.  He thought it was useful for eliminating people with whom he had nothing in common without blowing 50 bucks on a doomed date.  He thinks more people should try it because he’s found good platonic friends that way, but questioned whether one could find a soul mate through online dating.

    Advantages and Disadvantages to Singleness

    I next asked the dudes about the advantages and disadvantages of being a bachelor, knowing that freedom has a price.  The gentlemen agreed.  For advantages, they liked not having to edit themselves for someone else and not being concerned about how something they do affects their mate.  They cited having more free time and being able to do whatever, whenever, and wherever they pleased.  Keeping their own schedule was popular concept.  James S noted with particular relish that singleness exempted one from Valentine’s Day purchases and rituals.

    Of course, there were some noted minor drawbacks to not being in a relationship.  Among the guys, general loneliness and lack of physical contact were big negatives (Sex, smooching, and heavy petting were mentioned.  And actually in those words.).  The gentlemen missed not being able to tell their problems to a romantic partner, though other platonic friends could fill in as confidants in a pinch.  Josh generally liked to be able to talk to a significant other and also wanted to have someone he could admire and be concerned about and who would reciprocate those things.  Among the guys, other disadvantages were having to start over with a new relationship, worrying about what other people thought of them and their pathetic states, and not having children.  All of the guys hoped to have relationships in the future and had no intention to join holy orders.

    Interactions With Couples

    As for strange interactions with couples, James H noted how he disliked it when his friends had to check with their spouses or girlfriends before they did anything.  He actually felt bad for his coupled friends with the ball-and-chains.  One bachelor noted the pity he received from couples and how their efforts to assuage his feelings by saying “Aaawww.  It’s ok.  You’ll find someone, too.” only made him feel worse.

    In Conclusion

    So what do these bachelor insights tell us about the single male?  First, besides being mutants, they‘re probably shy or super-laid back (read ‘lazy or busy playing World of Warcraft‘).  Second, I’m probably not the first person to go to if you want to collect solid scientific or psychological data.  Third, I don’t have nearly as many single male friends as I thought I had.  And that’s probably ok because that means there’s less competition for the ladies (I really don‘t envy all those extra bachelors in China.  Seriously?  A woman shortage?  That was really bad planning unless it‘s part of a deeper intermarriage plot to take over the world, in which case that was amazing foresight.).  It’s possible that more extensive personality testing could tell us whether more bachelors are phlegmatic and less motivated in general, but it is good to see that some of the bachelors are single by choice and still look forward to a future full of lovin‘, if only in a passive sort of way.  I’m also thinking that if women want to find guys, they should start playing World of Warcraft.

    The secret word is mutants.

    Read These:

    Bachelor Secrets 1- Why Are They Single?

    Couples vs Singles: Socialization

    World Of Warcraft…Dating?

    Dating Advice From The Family

    Family Advice: A Reversal (Sort Of)

    Dating Satisfaction Survey

    Google-Stalking the Ex

    Changing Your Relationship Status On A Social-Networking Site

    Secrets Of Robot Women

    Bachelors in History

    Which is Your Type? A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz

    Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door

    Celebrity Crushes: Is Elegance Elitist?

    Valentine’s Day Shame

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    Secrets Of The Modern Bachelor:
    Part 1. Why Are They Single?

    by Jonathan B. Perry

    NOT my panel

    NOT my panel

    Why are bachelors still bachelors?  It’s a reasonable question.  Aside from the obvious mutational factors common to bachelors, there are other reasons.  Being brain diseased myself, I have only the faintest notion of my own condition, so I decided to harass my bachelor comrades to see what they had to say in hopes they’d enlighten me with some bachelor trends I‘d missed.  Maybe they’d provide some good answers I could pass off as my own if I’m ever asked about my marital status at gunpoint at an uncomfortable family gathering, like last summer at my 23 year-old cousin Dan‘s wedding (there was probably no gun).  I came up with the swell notion of putting together a little questionnaire and emailed it to 12 bachelor friends I know who still talk to me (I don‘t ever actually see any of them, we just have each other‘s email addresses).  At least they talked to me before I sent them the emails.  I only did get 6 responses.  Really 5 ½.

    In my great act of nosiness, I posed several personal and potentially embarrassing questions about bachelorhood.  The guys I asked ranged in age from early twenties to about 50ish.  Most of respondents were in their 20s and 30s.  A few are hardcore career guys who are pretty busy getting things done.  Some are creative types, and a few are video gamers who do little but gaming.

    Besides asking the guys why they thought they were single, I also asked them why their friends and families thought they were single.  I asked about the advantages and disadvantages of singleness and what they missed about being in relationships.  I tried to find out what their relationship hopes were for the future (clubs, the cloister, or mom‘s basement), whether they’d had interesting experiences with blind dates and, particularly, with online dating.  I also wanted to know if the bachelors had had weird interactions with couples.  Whether there was abuse or shunning or that sort of thing.  One respondent totally got the wrong idea about what I meant by “weird interactions with couples”.  Bad bachelor.

    Why Are You Single?

    The two Jameses were fairly agreed that they were single by choice and were enjoying it.  One said he was single because he wasn’t ready to settle down and the other said he was enjoying his downtime from relationships, having been in them most of his life and, apparently in need of rejuvenation.  Josh said he was single because he didn’t get out much, being a reclusive gamer.  Nathan had self-esteem issues with his weight and lack of professional job, thinking he’d be of little interest to the women in which he was interested.  He was also a bit shy.  Raoul (totally a fake name) was a goldmine of issues and had several answers to why he thought he was single: low self-esteem, lack of social skills, fear, the good ones are always taken or off-limits, he moves too slowly, and he ends up as “just friends” with the girl.  Also, he doesn’t get out much because he’s either at home playing the guitar or off skateboarding by himself.  I found I could empathize with Nathan and Raoul, aside from the skateboarding.

    When it came to the answers about why the bachelors’ friends and families thought they were single, the bachelors figured their friends and families agreed with their own answers, which removed some of the fun psycho-analytical possibilities.  I really wanted more bizarre stuff, like a mother fearing her son was too busy going to drag clubs at night to meet any really nice girls, or friends thinking the guy should bathe more than once a week and do a few sit-ups.  But no.

    James S’s family thinks he’s single because he hasn’t found the ‘right one’ yet.  He says they’re wrong because he loves the ‘wrong ones’.  He feels his friends think he’s single because he’s trying to ‘find himself’ for once or that the special someone hasn’t yet succumbed.  Nathan figured his family felt he didn’t try to date enough.  Raoul (this fake name is swell) says his friends think he’s chicken, and he agrees with this assessment.  He thinks his family believes he’s too busy with his studies or has chosen the monastic path of celibacy or they rarely think about his condition (sounds like a disease, huh?) or just don’t care.  He’s pretty sure they don’t think he’s gay or visiting drag clubs after classes.  I wonder if they’d wonder about drag clubs if we mentioned it.  We probably shouldn’t mention it.

    Yes, bachelors are a wonder and we’ve only just scratched the surface.  Next time we’ll discuss our panel’s dating trends, including blind dating, online dating, and carbondating (ok, maybe not the last one).

    The secret word is reclusive.

    Read These:

    Top 5 Reasons Women Are Single

    World Of Warcraft…Dating?

    Dating Advice From The Family

    Family Advice:  A Reversal (Sort Of)

    Dating Satisfaction Survey

    Google-Stalking the Ex

    Changing Your Relationship Status On A Social-Networking Site

    Secrets Of Robot Women

    Bachelors in History

    Which is Your Type? A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz

    Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door

    Celebrity Crushes: Is Elegance Elitist?

    Valentine’s Day Shame

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      Visually-Oriented Women??

      slob1Visually-oriented women?  What’s up with that?  Apparently it’s true.  My friend PM Chin says it is and she’s a girl (woman.  sorry.).

      “Here’s the difference in how we approach and value attractiveness: men look at women as if we are already furnished, designer decorated houses, but women look at men more like fixer-upper homes, the kind that need a lot of work.”

      After a few delightfully scathing admonishments, Chin has some useful advice for the guys.  Really a funny piece.  Read the full article here:  Turnabout Is Fair Play

      There should be a new article about relationships forthcoming (maybe Sunday).  I’m working on a few posts at the moment, but the pigs need more lipstick first.

      Related Reading:

      Other Posts By PM Chin

      Children, Braid Your Nosehairs

      11 Steps To Becoming A Domesticated Bachelor:  #3. Shape Up, Fatty

      11 Steps To Becoming A Domesticated Bachelor: #2. The Right Wardrobe

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      The Hazards Of Changing Your Relationship Status (On A Social-Networking Site)

      facebook-status2by Jonathan B. Perry

      I’ve seen it happen several times.  Caroline is now single.  Bob is in a relationshipAugustine went from dating to it’s complicated because he’s a Saint.  When my online friends change their relationship statuses (stati?) on the social-networking sites like Facebook or MySpace the information pops up for everyone to see and all their friends feel the need to comment on it.  Often quite lamely.

      Don’t worry Caroline, he wasn’t the right guy for you.  You can do better.

      Or Caroline, God must have a special plan for you.  Sorry for the tough times.

      Or Ooh, Bob, who’s the lucky lady?

      Bobby, do you know how many upset women there are going to be?

      There’s no problem if you set up your status before you first find your online friends because there’s no individual alert posted to 300 people around the world, but woe be unto you if you change your status after finding all your friends, regardless of whether the blank status was an initial oversight or if you just broke up with your long-term girlfriend of 3 years because a vengeful game of mahjong became ugly and channeled your deepest darkest pent-up rage.  Sometimes these online friend-commentators will seem like members of a genuine support group, wanting to help you and lift you up in this your darkest hour, but they’re not!  They’re really comment vultures waiting to feed on the corpse of your broken love until the juice is drained (Ok, maybe there are some genuine souls who want to hold you and tell you how special you are.  You may be related to these people.).  Maybe you like that sudden outpouring and don’t mind the lameness.  If so, good for you.  Flip that status, baby!

      So, next time you quit dating or start dating and really feel the need to alter your status publicly (you know you want to!), think long and hard.  There are a few hundred people wanting to be in on this dirty party of your intervention and they’ll have no qualms about asking…  Who is this Prince Charming? Your going to have to spill the beans now!

      If you’re particularly puckish, try this experiment and change your relationship status!   Now, it might be a little touchy if your current relationship is a little tenuous, but that’s a risk you can take.  Try changing it to it’s complicated and see what happens.

      Googling the Ex

      Will Your Siblings Use Up The Good Names?

      Couples vs Singles

      Logan’s Run and Population Control

      Men Without Cats

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      Will Your Siblings Use Up the Good Names?

      baby-name-bibleby Jonathan B. Perry

      As I’m the last of the brothers to mate, I’ll be the last brother to mate with results (offspring), if I do.  This alone isn’t that big of a deal.  The big worry is that by the time I do have kids, the good names will all be taken.  This is my real concern.  Unfortunately, this makes me a bad sounding board, an untrustworthy critic, because when the siblings discuss possible names for their monsters, I may boo a good one that I want (like Matthew, which I can’t use because it would be redundant to have another Matthew Perry), while supporting the use of the name Birch (this one was real.  Good dodge, Jay.).  It’s too bad because I’d really enjoy discussing child names with family for hours, possibly minutes, on end (For some reason, I’ve had child name books for years, which seems a bit feminine and weird, now that I think about it.  Hmm.).

      The name scarcity problem didn’t present itself until about the end of college when it occurred to me that I was lagging behind in the mating race.  It’s worse because I’m the oldest and scarlet-letter2should have done my part to help repopulate the empty planet nearly a decade ago.  I have friends who started having kids right out of high school and now those kids are already in high school and this makes me feel old (and it also reminds me that the friends might be a little rednecky).  If I ever do have children, which brings up another problem, I may be stuck with the names Rocky and Dennis, which alone are two good reasons for not reproducing.  Apparently, I need to get with the program and post my classified ad.  Fortunately, I only have 2 siblings and not 12.  Also, if my younger brothers ever hurry up and get those vasectomies, then we can have this child name discussion without any problems, though I suspect the interest level will be lower by then.

      Each year, the Department of Social Security lists the most popular baby names for that year.  According to the Social Security records for 2004 (not sure why I picked 2004, but whatever), the most popular baby names were:

      Rank    Male Name    Female Name
      1               Jacob                 Emily
      2              Michael              Emma
      3              Joshua               Madison
      4              Matthew            Olivia
      5              Ethan                  Hannah
      6              Andrew             Abigail
      7              Daniel                Isabella
      8              William              Ashley
      9              Joseph               Samantha
      10           Christopher     Elizabeth

      Some of these name favorites surprise me, like Hannah and Abigail which bring to mind scarlet letters or Salem witch trials.  It turns out most of the names I like aren’t overly used and are in the clear, which is fantastic (actually, I have a nice Google spreadsheet with all the names, in case I forget).  One problem I have is picking a good name for a boy.  I can think of 4 or 5 girl names right off the bat that I like, but if I can’t use Matthew, then I really only have 2.5 boy names that I like, but would want to use one as a middle name for another, so it would work out okay if I had one son, but I really want my options.

      Rex & Rex come when called

      Rex & Rex come when called

      Of course, there would be a spouse involved and I suppose she would want to have some say.  Maybe.

      What might be a smart idea is to get a few pets and start naming them the desired child names.  This way my siblings can’t use the names while I have pets with these names, then by the time I have kids these pets will be dead or I can at least change the animal names or maybe both child and animal will come simultaneously when one name is called.  I think this is swell plan, except I’d be stuck with more pets and, if you’re going to have pets, you might as well have children.  They learn much better tricks.

      Yo! Now you can be notified of follow up comments to your comments. Cool, huh?
      Couples vs Singles

      Logan’s Run and Population Control

      Men Without Cats

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      Bachelors In History

      fiddle-book-cropby Jonathan B. Perry

      While being a bachelor often means spending lots of quality time alone with Ramen Noodles in your underwear in front of the TV (the noodles shouldn’t be in your underwear), in one sense the bachelor is never alone.  Where there’s one bachelor there are several bachelors, much like rodent infestations in your neighbor’s house.  I don’t mean to say that the bachelors have been cloned or that they flock together in communal groups reveling in their singleness (though monks and frat guys do), nor do I mean to point out the bachelorhood of non-straight men gathered on Fire Island for high festival (some aren‘t bachelors anyway), but rather that there are legions of bachelors today, as there have been throughout the ages and ever will be.

      The ancient Egyptian royals fared well because those lucky bachelor pharaohs always had the option of marrying a sister or mother or both, and anyway it helped keep the bloodlines pure, sometimes even providing extra toes for better statues (European royalty had their cousins instead).  Outside of some lurid Greek wrestlemania action, you don’t hear or read much about bachelors in ancient history.  Take the Bible, for example.  Much of the biographical information lists such things as “Bob begat Fred.” and “Fred begat Steve, then Fred died.“.  Because of the specialness of lineage, the non-begatters are rarely seen.pharaoh-statue-good

      For instance, do you know much about your Great-Great-Great Uncle Franklin?  Probably not.  He was a festive single dude and, once a generation or two had passed, was pretty well forgotten except for maybe as a dead-end branch on your family tree.  If you don’t maintain a family tree or if the people in your family are grunters, then it’s as if Uncle Franklin never existed.  So it was in days of old.  It’s very sad.  Franklin might have been a dancing machine who lit up a room, played a mean fiddle, and built his own log cabin, but unless Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote about him, he’s lost to history and memory.  Poor Uncle Franklin.

      I’m not suggesting going out and getting a family so you can be written about, not just because lots of familied people have been forgotten too, but also because being remembered isn’t an excuse to mate.  Not a good one.  But take heart.  There have been plenty of bachelors through history that have wormed their way into history.  Probably the most famous bachelor, Jesus, seems to have really left his mark and won’t soon be forgotten, not that his fame could be easily matched.  It’s always useful to have dedicated biographers or to be God.  As a side note I will subversively mention the speculation that Jesus and Mary Magdalene might have been married, potentially weakening the case for worthy bachelordom, though this marriage theory is partly from the highly questionable writings of the Apocrypha, and the theory that Jesus had children by Mary is more of a fun conspiracy theorist’s tale, most famously promulgated by The DaVinci Code.

      One other Biblical bachelor of note is Paul, as in ’St. Paul’, though there have also been theories that he was perhaps struggling with his sexuality and only stayed single to avoid the issue, but I’m sure that’s just Hollywood gossip and bizarrely tantalizing scriptural/watercooler interpretation (see 1 Corinthians 7).

      The secret fake word is familied.

      Related Reading:

      Famous Historical Bachelors-A List

      Famous LIVING Bachelors

      Bachelor Profiles: Vincent Van Gogh

      Bachelor Profiles: Sherlock Holmes

      BACHELORS IN CATHOLICISM

      Bachelor Profiles: Mad King Ludwig

      Bachelor Profiles: The Bachelor President

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      Guyland

      arrested-development-men-so01-wide-horizontalA few months ago I found this article on Newsweek‘s website with an interesting take on bachelors and why they stay single longer (read it here).  The book that’s mentioned, Guyland by sociologist Michael Kimmel, posits that men are increasingly delaying adulthood for several reasons.  I may have to read the book just to mess with my head and stuff.  Read the article.

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