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Danger: if you meet it promptly & without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!- Winston Churchill

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sherlock holmes

Bachelor POLL: Favorite Fictional Bachelor

FictionalBachelorsJayGatsbyAustinPowersBarneyStinsonJamesBond SherlockHolmes How I Met Your Mother Great GatsbyPoll time:  Who’s your favorite fictional bachelor? I wanted to add Indiana Jones, but apparently he was married once or twice on his down time, so no go.  I’m shunning Willy Wonka out of pure spite (he’s knows what he did).  Anyway, please vote for your favorite fictional bachelor.  You can leave comments below to say why you voted the way you did.  If you think of someone not on the list, let us know & we might add him to the poll.  Or not.  Popeye?  Eh.  Check back for the results.  Vote often.  Eat tacos.

the secret word is favoritism

Lists & Profiles of Famous & Historical Bachelors:

Famous Living Bachelors

Famous Historical Bachelors- A List

Bachelor Profiles: Vincent Van Gogh


Bachelor Profiles: Sherlock Holmes


Bachelor Profiles: Mad King Ludwig

Bachelor Profiles: The Bachelor President

List Posts:

My Bucket List-100 Things To Do Before I Die

My 25 Humanoid Things

My 11 Favorite Christmas Albums

Resolutions for 2010

4 Ways to Screw Up a Perfectly Good Thing

11 Steps to Becoming a DB

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Year One of the DB

About a month ago, on Groundhog Day even (which is also my birthday & I did see my stupid shadow), the DB celebrated its 1 year anniversary of bloggage, by not posting a darn thing.  In 12 months I’ve had awesome readership with 72,000 page hits and have posted 95 Theses (I mean posts- this is #96)!  I’ve posted parts of my book The Domesticated Bachelor and have added several new parts, like bachelor profiles of such guys as Sherlock Holmes, Vincent Van Gogh, and Mad King Ludwig.

But I’m still not a Domesticated Bachelor.

I made a blueprint for becoming a DB called “11 Steps To Becoming A Domesticated Bachelor” in which I developed a checklist for how I, and other dudes, could be more awesome, drop the self-loathing, and suck less.  It hasn’t happened yet.  I’m not domesticated.  I’m still a half-wild ManBearPigGoatDude.  I could maybe check off half the items on that list (with some stretching), but still feel sub par (though I guess sub par is actually

ManBearPig from South Park

good if you’re talking golf, but I’m not).  There’s still work ahead for a failed perfectionist with ADD & sloth.  I’ll reach my DB goal yet or make a fool of myself trying (ooh, success on one count).

In the meantime, there will be more shameful bloggage and I’ll keep trying to improve myself in great acts of futility.  If you’re new to this site (or haven’t yet read), check out the posts listed in the right hand column.  Under the list of the most recent posts, there’s a list of the most popular posts, including some of my favorites like Logan’s Run and Population ControlSound of Music Death Match!!! Liesl v MariaCelebrity Crushes:  The Girl Next Door, and GOOGLE-Stalking the Ex.

Thanks for your awesome readership and feedback and I look forward to another great year of the Domesticated Bachelor!

Jonathan Perry

Happy February Birthday to my mom who had a big birthday this year on February 10!  Love you mom!

The secret word is futility.

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Famous Historical Bachelors-A List

by Jonathan Bippity Perry

Billy Idol

Billy Idol

I’ve been compiling a list of famous historical bachelors for a while for no reason. Maybe for future blog posts or so I can worm them annoyingly into awkward conversations.  Maybe I’ll write a cleverly titled book, BACHELOR Profiles In Courage (And Shame), and sneak copies into the Kennedy sections of bookstores and libraries.  I’ve already written about some of the dudes in previous blog posts, if only to help single guys realize how successful they can be with fewer distractions.  Death or some sort of finality is needed to gauge one’s determination at bachelorhood, so I haven’t really included too many modern celebs.  I might throw in living guys like Billy Idol just to mix things up (I’m pretty sure he’s still alive.  And single.).  If you find some other good examples, let me know by leaving insane rambling comments.

Guys I’ve Already Written About (linked for your pleasure)
Vincent Van Gogh
King Ludwig II (Mad King Ludwig)
President James Buchanan (The Bachelor President)
Sherlock Holmes (yeah, he’s fictional)
Thomas Aquinas



Franz Schubert
Johannes Brahms
Maurice Ravel
Frederic Chopin
George Gershwin
Ludwig van Beethoven

Edgar Degas
Edvard Munch
Leonardo DaVinci

Philosophers & Theorists & Writers
Blaise Pascal
Isaac Newton
Adam Smith
Arthur Schopenhauer
W.H. Auden
Immanuel Kant
Henry David Thoreau

Other Random Single Dudes
Edward Heath (former British PM)
Meriwether Lewis
George Eastman

As I study up on some of these goats and discover a few were actually married (or perhaps really women), thus shortening the list, I may be required to add modern bachelors in hopes that they stay lonely (I mean single) for the rest of their lives.  In that event, here are some guys still living (except for a dead one).

Modern Bachelors

Andre the Giant Princess Bride

Andre the Giant (top) w/dudes from The Princess Bride

Billy Idol
Ralph Nader
Al Pacino
Drew Carey (apparently engaged)
Bill Maher
Hugh Grant
Leo DiCaprio
Ed Koch
Anthony Michael Hall
Andre the Giant (yeah, he’s dead)
George Clooney

The secret fake word is spaz.

Related Reading:

Famous LIVING Bachelors

The Remaining Bachelor Princes

Bachelor Profiles: Vincent Van Gogh


Bachelor Profiles: Sherlock Holmes


Bachelor Profiles: Mad King Ludwig

Bachelor Profiles: The Bachelor President

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sherlock-posterby Jonathan B. Perry

Yeah, I know Sherlock Holmes is a character of fiction.  OR IS HE?  No, he is.  But Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote so many Sherlock Holmes mysteries that I sometimes feel I personally know Holmes or at least that he was a real historical figure.  He’s one of my favorite characters and is easily recognizable not only by his clever private detective work and astute observations, but also by his funny deerstalker hat, cape, and pipe.  I’ve even named my dormant rock band, The Musgrave Ritual, after one of his cases.  The Scottish Conan Doyle wrote 56 short stories and four novels about this London-based consulting detective, and bachelor, set in the late 1800s and early 1900s.  Most of the stories were narrated by Holmes sidekick Dr. Watson, who lived with Holmes for many years before Watson married, then again after Mrs. Watson died.  See, Watson was married, so don’t get any ideas.

A life-long bachelor (except in fan fiction), Sherlock Holmes does take an interest in Irene Adler, who he mentions in several cases, but only appears in “A Scandal In Bohemia“.  In that story she outwits Holmes and escapes (it was complicated).  For one of his other cases, Holmes is briefly engaged to be married, but only in order to uncover clues for his case, which is the excuse I’d use.  At one point Holmes says, “I am not a whole-souled admirer of womankind“.  Also, he found “the motives of women… so inscrutable… How can you build on such quicksand? Their most trivial actions may mean volumes… their most extraordinary conduct may depend upon a hairpin.”  Such wisdom.sherlock_holmes_record

Though he earned a good deal of money from his cases, especially from doing work for Europe‘s royal families, and could have retired young, he lived modestly in his London bachelor pad on Baker Street.  Watson described Holmes as being quite disorganized, leaving notes and experiments from old cases lying around the room, but able to find what he needed quickly from his organized chaos.  I seem to have inadvertently modeled myself after him in this organizational respect.

Sherlock Holmes does have a major vice: drugs.  Frequently using cocaine, and sometimes morphine, especially when his cases were understimulating, he still looked down on the use of opium.  The use of such drugs was legal at that time in England, what with so much understimulation.  Dr. Watson sometimes suspected that drug use was involved when Holmes stayed up all night.  Later Watson believed he weaned Holmes off the junk.sherlock1

Despite the drug use, Sherlock Holmes stands as a paragon of the modern detective as well as an interesting bachelor specimen.  I wish I could go out on a case with him, maybe do some experiments.  Go skeet shooting.  But he’s dead.  I mean, if he’d been real, he’d be dead.  Rest in peace, fictional dude.

By the way, there are two new Sherlock Holmes movies in the works.  One will star Robert Downey Jr as Holmes with Guy Ritchie directing and the other has Borat’s Sacha Baron Cohen as Holmes and Will Ferrell as Dr. Watson in a comedy by Judd Apatow.  Pretty excellent!  Can’t wait.


Bachelors In History

Bachelor Profiles: Mad King Ludwig

Bachelor Profiles: The Bachelor President

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Anagram Generator/REARRANGE GOAT MAN

Anagrams are pretty excellent. Rearranging letters of a word or phrase to make another word or phrase is a lot of mindless fun. Popular with mystery writers, anagrams have worked their way into some bestselling works. so_dark_the_con

The Davinci Code has one (So dark the con of man is an anagram of Madonna of the Rocks). I believe there was a Sherlock Holmes story that used anagrams (but I can’t find it). J. K. Rowling sort of used it in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, but cheated (Tom Marvolo Riddle is an anagram of I Am Lord Voldemort, though it‘s really backwards because Tom Marvolo Riddle is the clue, but no one would ever guess the answer as Lord Voldemort with the I am at the beginning. I feel better having said that.).

Now, instead of having to do anagrams by hand with your own brain, there are anagram generators! Yay!  One I like is the Internet Anagram Server.

Check out the anagrams I’ve made below.  Make your own and leave your favorite anagrams in the comments.   We might post some of the best.  Or not.

Domesticated Bachelor=
A restitched cab loomed
A cab ceded hotter limos
Tom decried a hostile cab
a cab directed Tom’s hole

Jonathan Perry=
Rape Rat Johnny (I haven’t used this nickname in years)
Orphan Jay Rent
A horny pent jar
John, retry a nap

Jonathan Bryan Perry=
Thy ornery Japan barn
Horny Japan Bra Entry (Japan, huh?)
Try Nearby Japan Horn
A barren party Johnny
Jab near thy yarn porn