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Firefly Campaign Gains Renewed Momentum

FireflySerenityNathanFillion Summer GlauNERD NEWS ALERT!!

Diehard “Firefly” fans are finding a new energy for their cause.  The cause?  BRING BACK “FIREFLY”!

Resurrect a space cowboy cult TV show that died on the vine 9 years ago?  Sure.  Why not?  Though a casualty in a string of Fox’s quick show cancellations in the 2000s, Joss Whedon’s “Firefly” found a highly devoted and rabid cult-following in its brief run.  Online and mail-in campaigns, as well as paid ads to renew the show at the time fell short, but enough momentum provided for a well-received “Firefly” movie, 2005’s “Serenity”, giving fans a taste of what might have been.

So where is this renewed fan energy coming from?  From Captain Malcolm Reynolds himself.  Nathan Fillion, who currently stars on

firefly women

Uber-glammed women of Firefly

ABC’s “Castle”, recently told Entertainment Weekly that he’d love to resume his role as Mal.  Going a step further he said, “If I got $300 million from the California Lottery, the first thing I would do is buy the rights to “Firefly,” make it on my own, and distribute it on the internet.”

Now, of course, online reactions to this off-the-cuff statement have started pouring in.  Former writers have told Twitter that they’d love to be involved.  Jewel Staite, who played the sunny mechanic Kaylee said she’d be on board.  A new website, Help Nathan Buy Firefly, even started as a means to collect pledges that would turn into donations should “Firefly” be revived.  The site’s Facebook page has gained nearly 50,000 members in only 5 days!  Another Facebook page, “Bring Back Firefly”, has also seen a surge in members as interest has blown-up.

ChristinaHendricksFireflyMadmen

Mad Men's Christina Hendricks guested on Firefly

While its mix of western and outer space themes was lost on some critics, “Firefly” was critically acclaimed, notable for its design and special effects, winning an Emmy for the latter. Additionally, strong writing and a great ensemble cast made it a fan favorite. Besides Fillion and Staite, the cast included, Ron Glass (“Barney Miller“), Morena Baccarin (“V“), Summer Glau (“The Cape“), Gina Torres (“Alias“) , Adam Baldwin (“Chuck“), Sean Maher, and Alan Tudyk. Christina Hendricks (“Mad Men“) had a recurring role.    -Jonathan B Perry

morena baccarin v firefly

Join the fight.  Help bring back “Firefly”!

The secret word is devotion.


Vaguely Related Sci-Fi Stuff

Logan’s Run & Population Control

World Of Warcraft…Dating?

Esperanto Rhymes with Tonto

 

 

jewelstaitefirefly

Jewel Staite

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POLL: Who’s Your Favorite Hottie Actress of the ’50s?

LaurenBacall AudreyHepburn GraceKelly AvaGardner SophiaLoren NatalieWood actresses 50s

Clockwise from top left: Lauren Bacall, Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly, Natalie Wood, Sophia Loren, Ava Gardner

Poll time:  Who’s Your Favorite Hottie Actress of the ’50s?

If you’re retirement age, you might have adored these talented (and magically delicious) actresses the first time around during Hollywood’s Golden Age (circa 1950s).  Some of us younger folk have since grown to appreciate the grooviness of women who could be our grandmothers.  I think I mentioned before that I’m a bit of a Natalie Portman fan (see exhibit A & exhibit B), but there’s just something swell about the classic elegance of these fine Hollywood hotties.  A few of these actresses hit their heydays before the ‘50s, some just after, but they all did great work in the ‘50s. There were other excellent actresses from the period, but these are the 6 I like best (I’ve left out Elizabeth Taylor and Marilyn Monroe because they’re overly popular and just not my favs).  Please vote for your favorite and tell us why in the comments, then check back for the results (you can see the results of the Favorite Fictional Bachelor Poll and still vote!).  Feel free to research their film catalogs and get back to us.

The secret word is classic.

Related Blogginess

Celebrity Crushes:  Is Elegance Elitist?

Sound of Music Death Match!! Liesl v Maria

A Moment of Silence For Natalie Portman’s Singleness

The Girl Next Door

Intimidated By Smart Girls?

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A Moment of Silence For Natalie Portman’s Singleness

natalieportmanblackswanpregnantengaged

by Jonathan Bryan Perry

Well dudes, by now you’ve heard the sad news that Natalie Portman is engaged & ‘with child’, as they say.  This effectively takes her off the market (though certainly she’s in a different market from, you know, us).  So, let’s have a moment of silence for Natalie Portman’s singleness.    Good.  Thanks.  Obviously, she’s not dead, but the love song I wrote for her, “Natalie Portman is Hot”, is now moot (yes, Myrtle & Blanche, I wrote love songs for other women.  And I totally rhymed hot with Huguenot.).  It doesn’t matter that I sang all 8 parts of the harmony way better than The Bee Gees or The King’s Singers ever could and I didn’t even have to undergo drastic countertenor/falsetto ‘enhancement’ surgeries.  Mostly.

Anyway Natalie, I just want to take a minute to remember ‘us’ and the special times we spent together over the years:  You acting all royal in Star Wars prequels.  Me watching alone in the dark in my Han Solo duds (ok, a Wookiee costume).  You listening to The Shins with Zach Braff in Garden State.  Me jealously wanting to lend you some slightly better Indie-ish music I was listening to at the time.  Me watching you rap awesomely on that SNL sketch.  Me Googling photos of you.  For my blog.  Really.

natalieportmanstarwars

more extreme make-up. Nat in Star Wars

Yes guys, Natalie Portman’s all gone.  It was coming, though.  We all saw it.  After she went off to that fancy university with the rich boys, you know, to emphasize her smarts with her hots, there was a poignant stripper pole scene somewhere (This is off point.  Or is it?).  Now, of course, it ends with one of her co-stars.  The collective mourning probably started back when she shaved her head in V for Vendetta (and for the super-lame ending of the movie.  WTH?), but we at least knew her hair would grow back.  Also, she does have a nice skull.  Yes, there were signs.  We’ll take some solace knowing she spent some ‘special’ time with Mila Kunis in The Black Swan.  This will help. Truly.

Now, being engaged does not make one married, but when there’s a baby involved, you don’t mess with it, cuz, well, you know…  So, with much sadness, I’ll man up and wish her all the happiness in the world.  Maybe dress in a black Sith outfit for a few days before I start Googling pics of the secretarial pool from Mad Men.  For my blog, of course.

Natalie, may the force be with you.  Also, I think Jonathan is a great name for a baby.

The secret word is mourning

Related Blogginess

Intimidated by Smart Girls? (featuring Natalie Portman)

Take the pseudo-Cosmo quiz to find out your type ->

http://www.thedomesticatedbachelor.com/2009/02/27/which-is-your-type-a-pseudo-cosmo-quiz/

Read more on types of women:

Celebrity Crushes: Is Elegance Elitist?

Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door

Sound of Music DEATH MATCH!!! Liesl v Maria

Other Swellness

No Mom, I’m Not Gay

The Great Massage Adventure

Every time you click an ad, an angel gets its wings.  Also, I get like 12 cents.

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17 Types of Bachelor Pads

by Jonathan Bonobo Perry

ABC has a new cheesetastic reality tv show called The Bachelor Pad which seems like it might combine The Bachelor with Big Brother and The Real World after they’ve soaked in a briny vat of The Girls Next Door.  It promises an abnormally good-looking and freakishly healthy cast of cast-offs from previous reality shows being overly-dramatic and dramatically-amorous in a fine and expensive model home.  Pray, what will this bachelor pad be like?  Certainly it has everything.  Entertainment, games, and watery places, perhaps 7 hot tubs (so a few could be decontaminated simultaneously).  This got me thinking about types of Bachelor Pads as theme parks for men or rather types of homes for types of bachelors. What if guys were only one-dimensional and could each be pigeonholed into one tidy category?  Here’s who 17 of those guys would be and how their bachelor pads would be set up to reflect the weirdness.

1 Lothario/Lech Pad-Round spinning bed, cocktail bar, fancy lighting, a fine collection of loungy mood music.  It would be like the digs for Quagmire from Family Guy or for Austin Powers, replete with bathrobes and smoking jackets and lots of velvet.  A hot tub.  This is usually the first picture that comes to mind when one thinks of the classic bachelor pad.  It’s a lie.  Mostly.

2 Gamer Pad-Comfy chair for all that sitting.  Probably plush.  A couple gaming systems (XBox, Nintendo, Playstation, Wii) backed up by a quality entertainment system.  Dice and game parts for various role playing games.  Occupant-pasty sleepy nerd. 

3 Partier Pad-A sufficient supply of food and beverages and, if lucky, easily cleaned surfaces.  Large tv and other entertainment devices:  good stereo, lots of music, the gamer’s gaming system, some board games and backyard games.  Possibly a jacuzzi and a grill in the awesome backyard.  There might be a firepit.  Tiki torches?

4 Handyman Pad-Handmade furniture or carvings.  An extensive collection of tools and parts.  A fine workbench in the garage.  Powerdrill always plugged into the wall.  Multiple projects at different stages of completion spread about the garage and house.  Possibly a classic car parked in the garage being restored.

5 Traveler Pad-Travel books, posters, and paintings.  Souvenirs and maps.  Photo albums of trips.  Several suitcases, bags & perhaps an enormous travel cases like Jimmy Stewart‘s from It’s A Wonderful Life.

6 Collector Pad-The house may be overrun and/or decorated by strange collections:  stamps, baseball cards, license plates, Coca-Cola memorabilia.  Butterflies.  Places to store and display all this stuff have been set aside. The Antique-r is a sub-specialist of collector. Or is it the other way around?

7 Gadget Dude Pad-Assorted collection of the latest and greatest gadgets both electronic and mechanical.  Not only does he have the latest ostentatious Apple product (iPhone, iPad, iTouch), he also has camcorders, ereaders, robots, roombas, gps’s.

8 Reader Pad-Several bookcases, maybe some built-ins for a large a well-organized library (possibly numbered books, as if it were a real library).  There might be a list of books lent out and who has them and why you’ll never get them back.  (Chris?  Marshall?).  If he’s gone gadgety, there might be an Amazon Kindle or a similar ereader.

9 Sports Fan Pad-There will be lots of sports memorabilia, some of it plastered to the walls.  Maybe jerseys of the home team.  There could be game highlight footage on DVD.  There might even be sports cards, but certainly sports magazines.

10 Movie and TV-Buff Pad-Huge TV entertainment system with surround sound.  Lots of DVDs.  Lots of VHS tapes with the player.  Possibly a Beta player and Beta tapes for some rare ancient weirdness.

11 Musician Pad-Instruments.  The pinnacle is a grand piano or a specialty guitar signed by some dead rock legend.  Recording equipment.  A fine hi-fi system that spans the years from phonograph to 8-track to cassette to cd to mp3 player.  There will be plenty of albums to play on this system.  There might be busts of musicians and sheets of music.  Perhaps rooms have been modified to adjust acoustics.

12 Fitness Enthusiast Pad-In this pad might be found a bicycle and helmet.  If he’s a daredevil he might have mountain-climbing equipment, otherwise regular (and strange) exercise devices: dumb bells, stationary bike, treadmill, elliptical, medicine ball.  He might have his own awards from previous sporty endeavors.

13 Animal Lover Pad-Aquariums, terrariums, cages and kennels.  Leashes and bowls on the floor.  Adorable creatures that want to eat and bite you and need to use the facilities which may or may not be in your house.  Animal hair everywhere.  Unsolved allergy issues.  Hello Kitty stationery?  Maybe that’s just a sub-genre.

14 Hoarder Pad-this comes from mixing too many of the other categories together and having certain psychological issues.

15 Artist/Photographer Pad-Paints and brushes.  Easels and canvas and frames.  Cameras and camera equipment.  Maybe a dark room for old film.  Some of his own work might be framed on the wall as well as his inspirations’ works.  Art supplies and works are spread all over the house.

16 Gardener/Plant Guy Pad-Much of this guy’s stuff would be in the backyard: Veggie garden, flowers, other odd plants.  Sometimes the greenery will come inside and there will be pots of living greenstuff (non-mold) around the house.  There might be books and magazines for gardening ideas and tips.

17 Chef/Cook Pad-This dude has a kitchen full of quality cooking equipment.  Pots and pans and skillets or whatever.  There will be odd measuring devices which might use the metric system or stuff like pinch or smidgen.  He’ll have lots of spices and fancy oils.  The cupboards and fridge are stocked with all kinds of food.

Certainly your type has been overlooked.  That just means you’re weird.

The secret word is pigeonhole

Related Reading:

How NOT To Decorate The Bachelor Pad

My Bachelor Pad

Bachelor Step #10: Collect the Right Toys

Bachelor Step #1: THE BACHELOR PAD

$15 Million Ultimate Bachelor Pad

Tenuously Related Reading:

Google-Stalking The Ex

Logan’s Run & Population Control

World Of Warcraft…Dating?

Bachelors In History

Sound Of Music Death Match!!! Liesl v Maria

Kitten Of Evil

Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door

Which Is Your Type? A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz

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30 Million Chinese Bachelors and The Matrix Solution

by Jonathan B Perry

 

Future Army of Chinese Bachelors (great band name)

I have good news and I have bad newsFirst, the bad news:  Guys of 2020, there will be a surplus of competitive males as there never has been before at any time in history.  30 million extra men to be approximate.  In just 10 years there’s going to be such a glut of guys of marriageable age it’ll seem like one endless frat party where there are maybe 2 women in the back.  Granted, these extra men are in China where the population is about 1.5 billion (and where 30 million is relatively small, though not really), but still they’re not all going to stay in China and there will likely be some domino effect flopping around the globe, so you’ll need to work extra hard to trick women into hanging out excessively.  Drat.

Now the good news:  Ladies of 2020, there will be a surplus of competitive males of marriageable age, so the dude options will be greater and more desperate than ever before.  The scarcity of women makes each of you even more valuable (think higher pedestals) and you can be choosier and make guys grovel more.  Many of you look forward to this.  If you hold out just a little longer, say 10 years, some of you current bachelorettes might have better luck snagging younger, awesomer studs.

Of course this imbalance all stems from China’s one child per household policy that often saw families choosing to have boys as their only child and to abort the female fetuses as a practice of population control which retained males who would theoretically provide better for their families.  It’s been called gendercide.  Now aware of its severe gender imbalance, the Chinese government is making a strong push to the public to look more favorably on girls, hoping to stem the tide of aborted females.  So far it’s only been slightly effective (there are banners saying stuff like “Girls are swell”), and it will still take generations for things to even out.

This sort of situation hasn’t really been an issue in previous civilizations.  You could draw some similarities with the imbalances after the world wars, when there was a surplus of women when many Johnnys didn’t come marching home again.  It’s believed the feminist movement even gained traction from the higher number of single professional women of the 1920s and 1930s.  I just thought I’d point that out.

Keanu Reeves waking up in Jello

Concerns have been voiced that this excess of single men, unable to mate, may create many more societal issues in the years to come:  wars to cull the surplus males, a rise in crime (particularly rape), an increase in prostitution, a rise in homosexuality, and many more sloppy apartments.

Since it will take many decades to correct the situation in China, what other solutions might there be to help the problem?  I’ve come up with a few ideas and only one of them uses bachelors as human batteries a la The Matrix.

Chinese Bachelor Solution #1:  Promote religions, like Buddhism or Catholicism, where bachelors become monks or priests.  You might have to lure them in with church bingo at first, but do whatever works.  This would require a moderate change in the government’s stance toward religion (I’m not pushing either religion.  Baptist or Methodist monasteries could be developed, just to mess with things.).

Solution # 2:  Chinese mail order grooms-  When one thinks of arranging spouses to order, mail order brides from places like Eastern Europe spring to mind.  Now with many young Chinese men potentially unable to find mates nearby, they’ll need to cast wider worldwide nets and this may include making themselves available for marriage by mail order.  Bigger boxes.  More air holes.

Solution # 3:  Human batteries a la The Matrix– In the movie The Matrix people lived in watery pods and existed in a dream state, while powering the evil machines.  Never mind that you could put caviar on iv and call it a spa weekend.  Forget that Beijing and Shanghai could be powered cleanly and cheaply from now until Chinese New Year.  No, I suppose it’s not an option (or even a good human rights thing), unless you just do Gilligan-style power-maker  with the coconut bicycle making electricity (come to think of it, gyms around the world could do this bit and harness the power to run their tv’s).  I’m sure there’d be some way to do it, though it doesn’t really fix the mating thing, does it?  Hmm.  Forget this one.

Solution # 4:  Men dating outside their age groups- I realize guys throughout history have been dating outside their own age group, but it’s usually been scary old rich guys dating younger helpless and/or money-grubbing women (the dudes have more cows for dowries).  The Future Army of  Chinese Bachelors (cool band name!) may need to consider the limited options and be more open to dating older women, widows and retirees even.  And if China can find way to pump out extra females (without aborting males), say through in vitro fertilization or some genetic magic, then the extra dudes could date younger without skewing things too much for the younger guys.

Solution # 5:  Cryonics?  I’m just putting it out there.

Solution # 6:  Find female alien life.  I think there have been B-movies about this.

Solution # 7:  Import women- Let’s face it, China may do well to find incentives to import women to China.  It might be useful to pay women to move to China and marry Chinese men.  I can see it now, in 10 years time there will be specials on 20/20 and Oprah about how China has an army of bachelors just waiting for all available women to come for marriage and money.  Perhaps special women-only schools could be set up to draw female students from around the world.  Maybe it could be something like marketing the acrobat schools to Bollywood dancers (that’s the group I’d aim for).

So, China has a big problem, but there are often viable solutions to difficult problems.  Hopefully something can be done to improve the potential for millions of Chinese, while avoiding a catastrophic future involving millions of filthy bachelor pads.

When I re-edit, I’ll find a way to sneak in Bowie’s song “China Doll”.

The secret word is imbalance.

Vaguely Related Reading:

Logan’s Run and Population Control

Not Really Related, but Nifty Reads:

My Bucket List:  100 Things To Do Before I Die

Esperanto Rhymes With Tonto

Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door

Celebrity Crushes: Is Elegance Elitist?

Sound Of Music DEATHMATCH!!! Liesl v Maria

Google-Stalking The Ex

Bachelors In History

World Of Warcraft…Dating?

Getting Colder:

Kitten Of Evil

Which Is Your Type? A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz

Ode To Autumn

The Prophecy Of The Tornado And the Trailer

How NOT To Decorate The Bachelor Pad

Bachelor Step #1: THE BACHELOR PAD

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JAMES BOND: Bachelor Spy

by Jonathan Bond Perry

james bond casino royale daniel craig poster 007

Daniel Craig as Bond

Last night I totally ignored the Academy Awards and all the Oscar weirdness, instead watching Sean Connery in the James Bond film From Russia with Love.  Within the first 40 minutes at least 8 stunning women (I lost count) were featured in places like London, Russia, and Istanbul (not Constantinople), and a fancy spy briefcase complete with a handful of gadget-y weapons was shown to 007 for his approval.  There’s also some stimulating repartee with Miss Moneypenny.  In another scene while spying on a woman in a secret meeting, a colleague asked Bond “How does she look to you?”, to which he responds “From this angle things are shaping up nicely.  I’d like to see her in the flesh.”.  Oh, and after a belly-dancing scene, there’s a catfight between 2 hot gypsy women who don’t seem to be overdressed.  (There were also goats, but that’s a side thing.)

James Bond is awesome.  His job, nay his duty, as debonair spy for MI6 (British Intelligence), has him traveling the world, wearing sharp suits, driving magnificent autos, and entangling with exotic and dangerous beauties who seem to have left most of their clothing in the other bag.  Bond has engineers constantly creating cool new spy toys to help him dispatch the enemy, which he always does with panache.  Why am I using French words like panache and debonair when Bond is clearly English?  Maybe I want to be beaten up by the james-bond-logo golden eye bullet pierce brosnanbullies in my head.  I don’t know.  But I do know this: James Bond is perhaps the prime vanguard of all bachelors.  He epitomizes the Domesticated Bachelor.  He’s suave, stylish, sophisticated, and completely fictional.  Truly a standard bearer.

James Bond was created in 1952 by British journalist Ian Fleming while on holiday at his Jamaican estate, Goldeneye.  Yeah, Goldeneye.  Fleming wrote twelve novels and two short story collections about 007, who, it’s said, was actually modeled on Fleming, himself something of an overly-confident manwhore.  Beginning with the 1962 release of Dr. No, there have been 22 Bond films in the EON Production series, making it the longest running, most financially successful English-language film franchise in history (at least through the most recent film, Quantum of Solace).  After Fleming’s death in 1964, several other writers authored James Bond novels and screenplays and perhaps named their Sedona estates Moonraker and Thunderball, but maybe not.  James Bond has also been spoofed, most famously in the Austin Powers series by Mike Myers.

James Bond collection2 007 actors roger moore sean connery timothy dalton george lazenby daniel craig pierce brosnanBond’s date of birth often changed from story to story, frequently leaving him in his 40s, which apparently is an ideal age for spy-adventure coolness and gives me a small degree of comfort as I near that middling decade of life.  Over the years, 007 has been portrayed on the big screen by several actors, most notably by Sean Connery and Roger Moore.  These are usually considered the classic Bonds.  In fact, there was a situation in 1983 where 2 different Bond movies played in theaters simultaneously.  Roger Moore was in the EON production of Octopussy, when Sean Connery, the previous EON Bond, was brought back as Bond in the non-EON Never Say Never Again.  Eventually MGM purchased the name “James Bond”, so this problem could never be repeated.  007 has also been portrayed by Timothy Dalton, George Lazenby, David Niven (in an early spoof), Pierce Brosnan, and most recently Daniel Craig.

Bond music is easily recognizable the world over.  The Bond theme is a super instrumental used in every movie, then a different song usually opens each film and this song is sung by one of the current hot singers.  Some of the best include Paul McCartney and Wings doing “Live and Let Die“, Duran Duran in “A View to a Kill“, and “Nobody Does it Better” sung by Carly Simon for The Spy Who Loved MeShirley Bassey sang three Bond themes.

james-bond-goldfinger shirley eaton jill masterson

Don’t get how her panty bits turned gold, but it’s advanced science

James Bond has had many relationships with women, often quite meaningless relationships.  Of course he’s on the go a lot, sometimes the women are spies, and sometimes they die or turn gold and then die.  At one point, though, Bond marries, but on their wedding day his bride is killed by his archenemy (seems like the writer’s convenient way of keeping Bond single).

Yes, women love 007, at least the ones in his movies (some of my married friends aren’t so keen).  Between the exciting job, the snazzy clothes, the good looks, the sweet rides, and the strong self-esteem, he has little trouble with the fictional ladies.  He’s the sort of guy other guys hope to emulate, minus the murder.  And the excessive manwhoring.

The secret word is Moneypenny.

Related Reading:

Bachelor Profiles: Mad King Ludwig

Bachelor Profiles: Vincent Van Gogh

Bachelor Profiles: Sherlock Holmes

BACHELORS IN CATHOLICISM

Bachelors In History

Famous Historical Bachelors-A List

Becoming A Domesticated Bachelor:  The Right Wardrobe

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‘SOUND OF MUSIC’ DEATH MATCH!!!
LIESL v MARIA

Liesl sound of music Charmian Carr

Liesl, played by Charmian Carr

 

Just to be awkward, I’ll mention that I really used to have a thing for that Liesl character from The Sound of Music.  She was pretty smokin’ for being 16 going on 17 and on the cusp of womanhood.  Secret gazebo rendezvous(es?) are excellent, especially if it’s raining.

The Sound of Music was the sort of thing we watched a lot growing up in my musical family, so I grew to appreciate the flirtiness and the innocence coupled with sexy slyness smack in the middle of this wholesome feast of classic cinema.  I’m not sure how old Charmian Carr was when she played the role (she had to have been in her 20s), but she acted an impressive part and early on became the gold standard for girly hotness to me and many young men (and certainly plenty of dirty old men).

Julie Andrews as Maria sound of music

Julie Andrews as Maria

In my article about Elegant Women, I included Julie Andrews whose proper Britishness almost automatically qualifies her for queen of the category.  Between SoM & Mary Poppins, Julie Andrews seems like the strict disciplinarian that we all desperately need to help make that nasty medicine go down until we’ve learned our lessons and promise to be very good boys, unless she really wants to punish us again.

She wasn’t all discipline, though.  We mustn’t forget the light and airy image of her twirling around on top of that Austrian mountain, being the spazzy nun we want to throttle.  She had some serious personal sorting out to do at the beginning of the movie before leading Rodgers and Hammerstein sing-alongs, giving puppet shows, then getting kind of sexy, flirting and dancing with the Christopher Plummer who played the Captain.  Of course, near the end she wins the Captain from the Baroness, suddenly becoming mother to 7 bratty Austrian kids and it’s all downhill into frumpery from there (If you really want to get into it, the Baroness had a little sumthin’ sumthin’ goin’ on herself, but Maria and Leisl were the star babes.).

sound of music liesl and maria charmian carr julie andrews

Pre-girlfight!

Whenever I see that part of the movie near the end where Maria and the Captain have just come back from their honeymoon and Maria is having a mother/daughter talk with Liesl about how handsome Rolf looks in his Nazi uniform, I always get the impression that Julie Andrews is at great pains suddenly being the unsexed matron.

Apparently, the actual age gap between Julie Andrews and Charmian Carr was pretty slim.  When the movie came out in March 1965 Andrews was 29 and Carr was 22 (I just Googled it and am absolved of my jailbait attraction to Liesl.  Yay!).  That’s just 7 years difference!

It’s at this point of the movie where Liesl says something like “I love calling you mother” and Maria grunts approximately “I enjoy hearing it”.  If you look carefully at Julie Andrews it would seem she stiffens a little here and isn’t really into the idea of being the mother figure of the two because she’s not much older and this pushes her out of hot babe contention.  It’s unlikely there were any wrestling matches between the two on the set, but you never know.  Perhaps the crew had to keep them apart (this is how rumors are started).

No, for the last chunk of the movie, Maria’s function is shifted to that of mother and whip-organizer for the escape.  The romance is all behind her.  The only thing left is trudging through the Alps dragging Gretl on a leash.   All the while, Liesl is thinking up wicked ways to work up the French boys waiting down on the other side of the hill.  Yodelayhehoo!

Here’s a song I wrote vaguely about Liesl.  It’s a bad recording:

Waiting For The Day (or How Liesl Escaped the Nazis and Got Freaky)

Coming soon..the final instalment in the 11 Steps to Becoming A Domesticated Bachelor.  Did you notice how I only used one ‘l’ in installment…I mean, instalment?  I like to ‘colour’ my writing with weird Brit spellings sometimes.

The secret compound word is deathmatch.

Related Reading:

Celebrity Crushes:  Is Elegance Elitist?

Celebrity Crushes:  The Girl Next Door

Which Is Your Type?  A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz

Intimidated By Smart Girls?

My 11 Favorite CHRISTMAS Albums

30 Favorite Songs of 2009 (1-15)

Google-Stalking the Ex

Logan’s Run and Population Control

Men Without Cats

Bachelors in History

Domesticated Bachelor Step #6: Be A Jack-Of-All-Trades

Bachelors in Catholicism

Valentine’s Day Shame

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Esperanto Rhymes With Tonto

incubus1by Jonathan B. Perry

I mentioned in the Logan’s Run post that I’d visited a peace museum which also, ironically, featured an exhibit on population control. At this peace museum outside of Lincoln, NE (which is now closed) they took things a crazy step further: there was also an exhibit featuring the joys of Esperanto. Esperanto is that weird language created in the late 19th century which was designed as a secondary language to facilitate communication between other languages and possibly people using bongs. The Esperanto people also throw peace in there as one of its intended attributes (that must be how they fit it into the museum). Basically, it’s

L L Zamenhof created Esperanto

L L Zamenhof created Esperanto

like speaking a combo of broken English, broken Spanish, and broken Italian and hoping to be understood by some hot French chick across the café.

It’s believed that there are a thousand native speakers today, while over the last century Esperanto has been used by approximately 100,000 to 2 million people, many of whom are probably bachelors who also speak Klingon, I‘m quite sure. It just so happens that a movie was made in the 1960s using Esperanto. Incubus was a horror B-movie, starring the great William Shatner (of TJ Hooker fame), that used only Esperanto in its dialogue. It’s kind of an interesting arty movie, if a little Satanic around the ears, and while that might not achieve peace, it‘s good for killing a lazy afternoon. And possibly good taste.

Some Esperanto Links:

www.esperanto.net

lingvo.org

en.lernu.net

Kurso de Esperanto

Largely Unrelated Reading:

Logan’s Run and Population Control

Google-Stalking the Ex

1950’s Instructional Film: What To Do On A Date

Children, Braid Your Nosehairs

Bachelors In History

Bachelor Profiles: Sherlock Holmes

BACHELORS IN CATHOLICISM

Bachelor Profiles: Mad King Ludwig

Bachelor Profiles: The Bachelor President

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What Are Your Favorite Date Ideas?

taiwan-travel1With the weekend here, lots of people are pushing into restaurants and theaters as they join the dating frenzy. Maybe some of you freaks are even going out, doing date stuff. Dinner and a movie have always been a fine standby date combo. Really it’s the person you’re dating that makes the date great, so it shouldn‘t matter what you do. Right? You need to eat anyway and who doesn’t like to watch movies? But there’s always this underlying challenge to outdo yourself and others by going on a cool date. A cool date might be you and your date doing something a little different from the dinner and a movie routine. It’s always a little gratifying to have a successful cool date where you and your girl get dinner at a raw food restaurant, then take in the rollerskating museum before hitting opera karaoke. Or whatever. It can be a fun challenge figuring out something creative to do.

A few days ago, in an online discussion group, I posed the question “What are your favorite date ideas?” I’ve seen monster lists before, but wanted to find out what folks really liked and to see if I could get some other ideas to steal. You know, for my friends who go on dates. I got some great responses.

Food

Generally food was involved, whether it was fine dining with live music or picnicking. Thundercatt99 said, “Why not get out into the wilderness with a compass, map and a picnic lunch — and see what the two of you find?”  From the discussion group, there were ideas to take cooking classes or just make food at home together. Hatingtherain offered this popular variation of home cooking: “Spaghetti for dinner, then lots of wild sex, then falling asleep snuggling on the couch watching Spongebob and The Twilight Zone.”  There were offers to cook.
renfairqueen
Other suggestions for learning/making things included painting and salsa dancing. One person said she liked to volunteer at a soup kitchen, clean up the beach, or go to a fundraiser on dates. I personally enjoy concerts, and comedy clubs can be fun and often these dates take you out of town together, especially if you’re in a smaller town. Go antiquing, to a flea market, or bowl. Thelighthouse said, “Museums often have free events, like dance parties or movie screenings. There’s also renaissance faires and swordfighting classes, which are fun if you’re into them and even more hilarious if you’re not into them — ’cause then you just make fun of everyone” (which is what I’d do, but privately as to not embarrass nerds or certain family members).

Adrenaline Activities

Of course, there’s the adrenaline stuff: canoeing, kayaking, sky-diving, mountain climbing, or go-cart racing. Sporty date activities are supposed to be good for raising the adrenaline and help you to get to know your date better in a shorter time, much like travel dating.

But what do you guys like to do? What would you like to try? Tell us your ideas or experiences in the comments section. We’d all like to find something fun and/or new to do on a date.

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Logan’s Run and Population Control

logan's run michael york palm
On my 30th birthday I reflected on how happy I am that the premise of Logan’s Run isn’t reality.  In this great 70s sci-fi cult flick, starring the excellent Michael York (of Gilmore Girls fame & some other stuff) as well as 70s hotties Jenny Agutter and Farrah Fawcett, the futuristic post-nuclear society has decided to maintain population control by sending each person who turns 30 on some wheel thingy called Carrousel (DVD box spelling).

Carrousel is supposed to be a meaningful ‘ride’ that reincarnates people into newborns, which is really a bad deal if you consider that one would have to go through the stress of high school again.  In all actuality, the Carrousel thingy is just killing every new 30 year-old who gets on it, thus making the movie a great gift for each friend of mine who turns 30 and isn‘t already depressed.  Especially the single ones.  I will be getting it for one of my brothers very soon.

Carousel logan's run carrousel renew

Renew! Renew!

In the movie, which is being remade (yes!) by Warner Brothers for an upcoming release starring Ryan Gosling, all the people in the society are fitted with giants dots on their palms called life clocks that glow green when you‘re still young, then blink red when time is up. I’m not sure why they didn’t bother with calendars, but with a giant dot, hours of fun can be spent contemplating how much time you have left before you die. I‘m thinking of fitting my grandparents with them, if only to schedule my vacations better.

The idea of population control is sort of an interesting one.  A few years ago I was kidnapped to a peace museum which, as one would guess, is antiwar, but for some reason had an exhibit showing the increasingly rapid growth of the world‘s population, and apparently seemed to promote population control (they’re trying to have their cake and eat it, too).  It occurs to me that pro-population control and anti-war ideas seem to be somewhat at odds with one another, but maybe that‘s just me.  It would seem that war would be one of the best ways to implement population control.  Or birth limits a la China.  Or inadvertent single living.

Jenny Agutter logan's run loungewear skin

Jenny Agutter loungewear

As of 2004, there were just under 6.5 billion people in the world and a recent alarmist study suggested that by 2050 there should be approximately 8.9 billion on our planet living elbow to elbow, though maybe they’ll mostly hang out in New York and Beijing.  These results assume continuation of the status quo and current trends:  declining fertility rates, better disease preventions and treatments, lack of severe climate changes or major catastrophes like nuclear holocausts or biological warfare or the seven plagues.

I think, under these circumstances, it would definitely be in our best interest to change the environments and climates of deserts and other arid regions making them cooler and more habitable, with lusher flora and groovier fauna.  Grow fruit trees.  Maybe add spidermonkeys.  These would be great incentives for people to start spreading out to currently undesirable areas such as the Sahara, Death Valley, Nevada, and Utah.  Perhaps, like others in these regions, families could become polygamous and load the population under one roof.  And have pet spidermonkeys in the orchards.  Aren’t you surprised you haven’t thought of it?

In Logan’s Run the entire society was marriageless. Everybody belonged to everyone else, like in some of the finest cults. It seems the author’s vision of a futuristic Utopia is actually universal bachelordom.  I suppose, as a single person, I’m doing my part to help with population control.  I knew it was all very useful for something.

(Page 2:  Esperanto Rhymes With Tonto)

The secret word is Euthanasia.

Vaguely Related Reading:

Esperanto Rhymes With Tonto

Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door

Sound Of Music DEATHMATCH!!! Liesl v Maria

Google-Stalking The Ex

World Of Warcraft…Dating?

Getting Colder:

No Mom, I’m Not Gay

The Great Massage Adventure

My Bucket List: 100 Things To Do Before I Die

Kitten Of Evil

Which Is Your Type? A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz

Ode To Autumn

The Prophecy Of The Tornado And the Trailer

How NOT To Decorate The Bachelor Pad

Bachelor Step #10: Collect the Right Toys

Bachelor Step #1: THE BACHELOR PAD



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