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What Would You Do With $500 Million?

 

cash money lottery winnings dollars millionaireLet’s say you suddenly fell into a great deal of money.  $500 Million.  An insane amount of money.  That’s half a BILLION dollars.  We know you didn’t win the Mega Millions this time, but maybe you’ve won the sweepstakes or another insane Mega Millions Powerball or sold millions of books like JK Rowling.  Maybe your name is Pip and you inherited your money from an English fugitive you fed on the moors, though you thought the money came from Miss Havisham.  Whichever way you acquired the $500 million, it’s yours to spend.  How would you spend it?

Sure you’d pay off your bills, build a mansion, travel the world, maybe donate to charities.  Definitely retire. It’s hard to know for sure until you actually get there.  Yes, you’ll lose half of it to taxes, but still $250 million would hold you for a while.  You’d have to build up stamina against all your new best friends asking for handouts.  Certainly you’ll give some away, but you have to draw the line somewhere.  You’d have to walk through a dirty city in shame just knowing you’re one of the hated 1% protested by the same folks who bought tickets hoping to be members of the 1%.  If you’re smart (and trust the stock market & investments in general), you’d invest a large portion of it, so that it regrows like the freaky tail of a lizard.  What else would you do with it? Read the rest of this entry »

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Enhance Your Life By Taking Free Courses

billymadison adam sandler movie school(Our guest writer, Brian Jenkins, writes about a variety of education topics for BrainTrack.com. This includes college level courses in culinary arts, which many bachelors out there could desperately use.)

 

Do you feel as though you could use some upgrades to your dating, personal finance, and/or cooking skills? Perhaps you’re preparing to take a beautiful woman to a fancy restaurant and you want to learn how to reject wines like an expert? You can learn this skill, and other skills useful for bachelors, for free! Let’s take a look at some free courses and some other interesting resources:

Cooking Classes

After preparing and providing an elaborate home cooked meal, your date says, “That was very good.” However, even your parakeet knows she’s lying. What can you do? Take a cooking class and learn how to cook scrumptious meals. You may even get lucky and meet some women in class.

European Cooking Vacations

Take a European cooking vacation and add some spice to your life. The International Kitchen offers an array of cooking vacations and one day classes in France, Italy, and Spain. The programs also include sightseeing tours. Cooking Vacations provides hands-on cooking classes and cultural tours in Italy’s 20 regions.

Free Online Wine Courses

How can you class yourself up to impress women? You could always wear a monocle. But perhaps a better choice would be to dazzle women with your wine knowledge. Take these two free online wine courses. The short interactive course will have you tasting wines like an expert, while the advanced course teaches you how to do the following:

  • Differentiate and describe wines like an expert
  • Talk about and order wine with confidence
  • Save money when buying wine
  • Reject wines commonly accepted by other people
  • Pair wine with food

Personal Finances

You don’t know much about personal finance topics? Is your brain melting due to your substantial credit card debt? What can you do? Enhance your knowledge by taking some free online personal finance courses. Check out Financial Security for All at eXtension, Money 101, and Planning for a Secure Retirement.

Even if you’re an expert on personal finance, consider taking a free undergraduate business course through MIT OpenCourseWare. MIT’s Sloan School of Business Management offers an extensive list of free classes. And yes, you can impress women by casually letting it be known you’re taking classes at MIT!

Speak With Class

How can you woo your date? Sprinkle the conversation with romantic French phrases. Don’t have the time or money to move to Paris? No problem! Take free online french lessons! Obviously, you’ll need to wear a beret to complete the wooing process.

By not paying a dime for these life-enhancing courses, you can buy that 2011 Mercedes-Benz CL-Class automobile (MSRP $110,400) you’ve been thinking about! THAT should impress a few ladies.

 

(The opinions expressed by this writer don’t necessarily reflect those of The Domesticated Bachelor.)

Related Articles

11 Steps To Becoming A Domesticated Bachelor

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Why (and What) Nice Guys Win

Nice Guys Finish Last: Why Women Are Attracted To Bad Boys

Top 5 Reasons Women Choose To Stay Single

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Top Bachelor Links of the Week (Feb 6-12)

Phaistosdiskcode

Phaistos Disk-1700BC. Can you crack the code?

Last week was most notable for the Super Bowl and some heavy changes in Egypt that hopefully don’t make things worse than they were (cross your fingers on that power vacuum).  On a somewhat lighter note, I’ve gathered some nifty new weblinks from last week that might be of interest to the bachelor folk. 

1. The Best & Worst Cities For MenMen’s Health graded 100 major cities in the US using several criteria, including health & social factors.  I was pretty stoked because my city, Lincoln, Nebraska, came in 6th! (Lincoln’s done fantastically on several comparison lists over the last few years, which gives me some consolation since I don’t live in the Pacific Northwest.)  Take a look to see if your city made the list.

2. 10 Man Caves The real estate site Zillow.com made a list of 10 great man caves, including Larry the Cable Guy’s man cave.  Not so much bachelor pads as bachelor islands in the seas of marriage.  Or something. 

3. Top 10 Uncracked Codes If you thought women were hard to crack, check out these 10 codes that have stymied cryptologists for years.  One was even written by the composer Elgar in 1897.  Maybe you can crack them (probably not).  My brother sent me this link.

4. $20,000 To Hack Chrome For all you computer geniuses and/or nerds (like my college roommate Ted) who need legal & financially happy outlets for your hacking skills, check out Google’s offer of $20,000 to anyone who can hack their Chrome browser during an event in Vancouver next month.

5. 2045:  The Year Man Becomes Immortal (The Singularity)
This was a fascinating article from Time about Ray Kurzweil’s belief in ‘The Singularity’, where computers may soon far surpass human intelligence resulting in humans merging with machines in one of a couple ways.  A fascinating read, if potentially disconcerting.  Cyborg stuff.

6. 6 New Mythbusting Rules for Singles– Match.com surveyed 5,000 single men & women and found some surprising things that defied stereotypes, including that men fall in love more quickly and are more eager to have children.  Why must they tell our secrets?

7. Silver Bullion Backwardation Suggests Supply Stress-Running out of silver?  Sort of.  The demand is greater than the current supply which means prices should continue to run up for some time.  The article explains backwardation and what that means for the price of silver.  I started watching silver prices last summer when they were at the $17.50 an ounce level.  Today silver is just over $30/oz and this particular article expects it to reach as much as $130 in the not too distant future.  The instability of our fiat currencies certainly helps silver and gold, but gold is a bit high for the average investor (currently over $1360 an ounce).  Silver is outpacing gold with help from it’s many industrial uses, including it’s use as a conductor in solar power cells.  The article doesn’t quite suggest you run to your local coin dealer and stock up, hoarding silver in a hole in your backyard for retirement and/or nuclear fallout, but it didn’t really need to.  I think there was a link for that.

The secret word is cryptology

Listomania!

17 Types of Bachelor Pads

My Bucket List: 100 Things To Do Before I Die

11 Steps To Becoming A Domesticated Bachelor

My 11 Favorite Christmas Albums

30 Favorite Songs of 2009 (1-15)

My 25 Humanoid Things

9 Foods I Might as Well Move To the Bomb Shelter

Timely Link

Valentine’s Day Shame

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Domesticated Bachelor RESOLUTIONS For 2010

Happy New Year and junk! 2008 and 2009 were great years for me.  I made swell strides in personal improvement:  bought a house, changed jobs for the first time in 9 years, lost almost 40 pounds, finished writing a book, started this blog, and dated a few good-looking and fascinating (if unhappy) women.  2010 is promising and I hope to take a hearty chunk out of its hopeful offerings.  Here’s my (public) list of resolutions for the new year (the private list may or may not include shameful notions like ‘Online Dating’,  ‘Invisalign’, and job advancement.  Yes, the public list is shameful, too.).

  1. Get below 200 pounds for the first time since just after college (Allow for muscle tone & abs.  If there’s good muscle tone and a nice 6 pack, then just over 200 pounds is fine and not bad for a 6 footer built like a linebacker.  Or me.).   I could totally do it by summer.  Maybe.
  2. Get more sleep.  Unless I’m hanging out with attractive women until the wee hours, there’s no reason I should exhaust myself and make my brain dull and eyes red (though bloodshot brings out the blue in my eyes).  This may mean more hopeful cocktails of Melatonin & Tylenol PM.  Of course insomnia is insomnia.
  3. Save more and invest more.  $$ x $$= $$$$$$
  4. Be more confident & fearless.  Don’t care what people think (like the unhappy, uber-critical, pretty good-looking girl-woman I was sorta kinda not dating for 6 months who teased me a few times for not being manly enough.  Man, I miss her.).  Also, don’t overshare feelings, especially with uber-critical women.
  5. Be more manly & rugged.  (ok, yeah.  So I’d like to be a bit more dude-ish, but not in an obvious, obnoxious, pandering to the critics sort of way).  I’ll still listen to the Pet Shop Boys.
  6. Do one major home project:  new siding, update a bathroom or the kitchen (by ‘do’, I mean pay someone skilled to ‘do’ this project).
  7. Do 2 minor home projects:  trim, doorway casing, paint stuff.
  8. Plant at least one new tree on my property.  Front yard 1st.  Maybe a Birch or Japanese Maple.  Maybe both.  Also an evergreen.  That sounds like 3.
  9. Do some landscaping.  Flagstone walkway.  Sunken garden in the low corner of the backyard.  Junk like that.
  10. Learn a manly skill or 2, like wiring a new light fixture or building a built-in bookcase.  Or join a fantasy football league.  It shouldn’t be as exhausting as the daily fantasy baseball league I was in for 2 years.
  11. Do more cool adventurous sorts of things:  whitewater rafting, backpacking, large hill climbing, long trail hiking.  Canoeing the boundary waters (if there are showers).
  12. Be more sociable & less reclusive.  More Jay Gatsby, less Ted Kaczynski.  Also, make friends.
  13. Date more frequently & less stressfully.  More irons in the fire reduce the chance that a single iron will burn you.  Or something dumb.
  14. Finish writing one of the books I’ve been puttering around in.  I’ve been chipping away at 3 or 4 books, but get distracted easily.  One project has 22 pages of notes, but only 7 pages of written product.  What’s up with that?
  15. Resume writing music.  Finish some songs.  Maybe learn to use the Pro Tools recording software I bought in ’08 right before I bought the house.  (If ever tempted to write a song for a girl again, sleep on it a few days first and be sure it’s finished and not incredibly dorky.  Or containing dark humor.  Dangit.)
  16. Waste less time.  This includes spending less pointless time online or wasting too much time on wishy-washy women, however much you dig them and can’t get over them.
  17. If all else fails, follow the 11 Steps To Becoming A Domesticated Bachelor.

(Again, I am not actually a Domesticated Bachelor.  I just play one in my mind.)

What resolutions do you goats have for 2010?

Related Reading:

11 Steps To Becoming A Domesticated Bachelor

Unrelated Awesome Reads:

Google-Stalking The Ex

Logan’s Run & Population Control

Valentine’s Day Shame

World Of Warcraft…Dating?

Bachelors In History

Sound Of Music Death Match!!! Liesl v Maria

Kitten Of Evil

Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door

Which Is Your Type? A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz

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Your Retirement Savings…In The Couch

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by Jonathan Bactrian Perry

Over the last five years or so, I’ve developed a shiny disorder around the house.  It seems I’ve been quietly amassing a boatload of change.  Oh yes.  Coins.  Coins everywhere!  Muwahaha!  In every nook and cranny:  on the end table, in my shoes, in the keyboard, and on the floor.  During a random sporadic organizational period (occurring every solar eclipse), I started gathering the coins together in jars and Ziplock baggies expecting to save up and one day make a fabulous bank run where I’d trade my bags of coins for bags of fresh paper cash and the title to a new Lexus.

It worked for my boss (not the Lexus part).  She and her family saved up their money in a giant Tootsie Roll for a few years until one day they cashed it in for an astounding $350 and used it for an exotic cross country drive.  This was excellent news.  I’d even read online or in a newspaper that an older man from back east took his vast collection of pennies into the bank and it yielded him several thousand dollars.  What a deal!  If he could do it, I could totally do it.  This was all the inspiration I needed.  Actually, I didn’t need any inspiration.  Money is inspiring in itself.

My collection grew and grew, week after week, year after year, until one day, I grabbed my stash and made that mythical bank run.  A quick approximation based on a quick count of quarters in one bag suggested that in all the bags and jars I might, just might, have $150, maybe even $200, in my massive pile of magic found money.  It should be enough for a medium range iPod, a couple car payments, or about half of a round-trip flight to see the family in California.  Excellent stuff.

coin-counting-machineOf course, it didn’t turn out quite so well.  I’d been a little worried that the bank might not have a speedy change counting machine, but this wasn’t a problem.  After returning from her sequestered counting expedition, the bank person/maid/waitress reported back to me that my precious yield was only $70.94.  Now, for found money, $70.94 is nothing to sneeze at, unless you’re planning a trip to Europe and discover that this US cash is only enough to buy maybe 3 cups of hot chocolate at a cafe in Belgium, so my wild visions of new found wealth were quickly brought down to earth.

I’d even considered the idea of saving up the dirty money from now until retirement, then one day, on my 70th birthday perhaps, dragging these pickle jars and colostomy bags full of coins into the futuristic coffeehouse bank stationed 5000 feet above my house in the New World Order’s airspace only to find out that they’ve gone back to using wampum instead.  Based on my recent yield, it would seem that if I only collect $70 in change over a 5 year period, then in a 40 year period (8 times as long.  Isn‘t that weird?  Math is amazing.) I would only have $560 to see me through my retirement.  This is still nothing to mock (for retirement, yes), but makes one mindful of the importance of retirement investments and producing rich children.  I’m suddenly reminded that I need to clean out the edges of my couch and chairs.  And have children.  Less than two years after this initial coin cash-in, I did another home scrounging and got an even bigger payout.  This time I got $118.21!  This improves on my earlier retirement figures (nearly tripling), but still lacks the necessary funding for a total retirement party blowout with the other geezers at the rest home.  I guess I’ll still need my 401k after all.  Oh, and social security, if it’s still there.

A while back, when I worked in customer service, a woman called to make payment arrangements on her mother’s account.  Her parents were retired and owned a house, but her father had just died, and at this point her declining mother had to go into a nursing home and, with all the related costs, they had to sell the old family home.  The worried daughter took the opportunity to tell me about the need to acquire Long-Term Care Insurance.  She wasn’t a salesperson, but merely a concerned citizen.  She wished they’d gotten the insurance to help pay for nursing home care.  I talked about this to my mom who assured me that she wouldn’t need the insurance because she was going to live coin-bagwith me anyway.  I told her that this would work only if I had a separate house for her on this fictional property and she wasn’t able to get around well enough to come in and out of my house at will, and also wasn’t crippled enough to require frequent assistance like being turned over every hour or to avoid bedsores.  Man, I love her.

To me, it seems weird that people work 40+ hours a week for 40-50 years, then retire in time to be old and die.  That’s just too much of your life.  Apparently, it’s important to enjoy your job after all.  The company I work for teases us by putting out an obituary report every so often for employees and former employees.  It was interesting and a little sad to see that there are some employees who’d only been retired 5 years before they died.  The ones I like to see are the listings for those people who’d been retired 25 years before they passed away.  That would be much better.  Twenty-five years to live unencumbered by servitude and slavery would be great!  You also wonder, though, how strapped for cash they might have gotten at the very end.  That might be it’s own slavery.  Hopefully they have large couches full of change.

Coming Up…Maybe:  If I can lose those last 2 pounds, I’ll post about my awesome weight loss with joyful obnoxiousness!  Problem is I’ve started cooking way too much, so I may have to post about that instead.

Further Reading:

Logan’s Run & Population Control

Google-Stalking The Ex

Sound Of Music Death Match!!! Liesl v Maria

Esperanto Rhymes With Tonto

Valentine’s Day Shame

World Of Warcraft…Dating?

Bachelors In History

Bachelor Profiles: Mad King Ludwig

Will Your Siblings Use Up The Good Names?

Kitten Of Evil

Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door

Which Is Your Type? A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz

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