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Flight Of The Conchords-“Carol Brown”

My English friend Julia, who’s trapped in Australia, recently had this song stuck in her head.  It’s been plaguing me for weeks, too.  “Carol Brown just took a bus out of town, but I’m hoping that you’ll stick around.”  Flight of the Conchords‘ song “Carol Brown” is a modern “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover“, except it’s happening to you & it’s a little sad, though it’s also funny and a bit hopeful.  Good for therapy.  Jemaine bemoans the different ways women have left him and those exes form a choir to explore his issues.

It’s one of my favorite songs of 2009 (I’m totally making a list of favorite songs from ’09, so stay tuned).  Unfortunately, Flight of the Conchords (from New Zealand) won’t do any more seasons of their music comedy show on HBO.  So sad.  Both seasons are available on DVD, but you can’t borrow mine.  Hopefully they do some awesome movies, possibly based around “Prince of Parties” (please please).  (Oh, and I’ve had 70,000 page hits to this blog since I started last February!  Yippy. Thanks for reading.)  This video goes out to my friend Julia, my bro Jay (who’s also a big fan of FotC), and the choir of exes in my head that won’t shut up and who I still mindlessly obsess about sometimes.  Dangit.

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GOOGLE-Stalking the Ex

googling2by Jonathan B. Perry

So, I ‘Googled’ my ex-girlfriend from college, which isn’t as dirty as it sounds, but still feels a little like stalking.  For those who have just emerged from a decade in caves and nuclear fallout shelters, ‘Googling’ means to search the vast bowels of the internet for information about pretty much anything, including curry recipes, British slang, very specific fetish sites, and even ex-girlfriends (hopefully none of these searches are related).  I’ve only Googled my ex-girlfriend a few times, mostly when feelings of slight desperation couple with reminiscent musings.  Actually, that sounds a bit tragic, so let‘s just go with curiosity for 500, Alex.

Well, it so happens her work phone number is listed with the Google search results (stalking is so easy these days) and I had this disturbing desire to call her in the middle of the day to chew the fat, but I would probably just have an awkward conversation with her secretary.  What would I say anyway?  I’d start with the easy stuff:  how she’s been these last 10 years (the ex, not the secretary).  Then I’d want to know things that are awkward to ask: if she’s dating or married, if she has children, and why we really broke up (which I would probably never ask or want to know), besides the fact that our relationship became long distance at the end.

googledyThen, of course, the conversation would come back to me and she’d find out all the stuff I’m embarrassed about:  I worked at the same hated job for several years before recently advancing ever so slightly, I’ve gotten chunky on chocolate ice cream, until last year I lived in the same dank apartment for a decade, and have hang-ups about going to doctors to whom I‘m not related.  On the upside I could sneak into the conversation swell stuff, like that I just bought a house, I’ve had fun visits to Europe and Asia, I’ve written two books (both unpublished, of course), and have two charming nephews and an adorable niece, as if I had anything to do with that.  I’ve even gone through little scenarios of conversations we might have and how delightfully awkward it might be to act out in regional theater and it all seems wonderfully sad and pathetic.  Yay.  What fun.  Time to call the therapist.

Just so I feel better about myself and possibly less like a stalker, I think it would be swell if you, dear reader, were to go stalk… I mean ‘Google‘… your exes and report back.  You know you want to.

The secret phrase is nuclear fallout shelter.

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