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28 Fake Questions: Vetting The ‘Love’ Candidates


interview questionnaire surveyDo you have a ‘love checklist’?  Are you firm in what you’re looking for in a significant other?  Does it require your girl to be pretty, musical, smart, a fly tap dancer, speak Pig Latin, and cook well in nothing but an apron?  Have you ever looked at your list & realized you might be a touch delusional?  I’m still in denial about my totally non-existent checklist, but from time to time I’m forced to face reality.

In every election season, there’s a tough vetting process for the candidates.  Sometimes it’s accidental vetting, but occasionally the candidates are forthcoming with their quirks.  We want someone who fits us.  I know many of you guys are dragging your feet on dating or committing because, well, you’re just unsure whether that girl you like has what’s needed to complement your own quirks.  In other words, you’re not sure how much like your mom she really is.  This fixes that.  Just hand her this questionnaire and sit back while she fills in the magic.  You’ll know soon enough whether your girl is the perfect cross between Giada, Megan Fox, Natalie Wood, and your mom.  Also, don’t be surprised if she high-tails it out of there, slaps you, or turns the tables and hands you a questionnaire of her own.

In my generous effort to help my fellow helpless men who inexplicably find themselves in situations where they’re receiving ‘love’ applications and/or resumes for a certain position, I’ve made this excellent questionnaire.  Start vetting your ‘love candidates’.  You are welcome. Read the rest of this entry »

Cook A Romantic Dinner As Trickery

lady and the tramp romantic dinner(While other guys were out on romantic Valentine’s Day dates with their girls, I was home pondering the nature of life and how much chocolate ice cream I should eat in one sitting. I’m sure I did something manly.  I also worked on this.)

You’ve cooked a very special dinner for your girl and are seated at a candlelit table on a neighbor’s roof (non-sloped). This is approximately how you want your romantic dinner conversation to go (assume breathiness):

You: My Dear, can I give you any more of anything?
Her: My Darling, I’m quite full, it’s all so delicious, but I think I have a little room left for some of your yummy manicotti.
You: Of course, kitten. Here you are. Be sure to save room for dessert. It’s cherry cheesecake.
Her: Mmm, I bet it is, tiger. And you better save some room yourself, my love. () Ooh, watch out for that pigeon.
You: Actually, monkey, that’s a turtledove I borrowed from the aviary. I thought the cooing was soothing. Just look at that cute little leash.
Her: Um, yes, Sniffles. It’s lovely, dearest, but the local pigeons are trying to…Oh, no! Stop that!!
You: () Insatiable.

Disgusting stuff like that. My grandma is blushing. Read the rest of this entry »

7 Ways Buying a Car is Like Dating


ford escape suv xlt 2005 burgundy

Glamour Shot of My Latest Debt Acquisition

I was in a car accident a few weeks ago (sorry, I forgot to take photos) and it pretty much interrupted my post-Hawaiian trip afterglow.  My 10 year-old ‘old-man car‘ was smashed up, but since the other driver was cited for an illegal lane change and at fault, I received a settlement and decided to buy a car (Darrin won’t be able to abuse me anymore about having an old-man car).  No one was injured.

I ended up buying a used Ford Escape SUV.  It’s burgundy with a moonroof.  I love it!  (Thanks Bigler Motors!) Part way through the buying process it struck me that buying a car is a little like dating, which might sound a bit weird until you think about.

Years ago, one of my teachers, Mr. Bruce, consoled a recently dumped student by telling him that women were like taxis or buses (not sure which).  “As soon as one drops you off, another one will be right along to pick you up.”   Wise man.

Here are 7 ways buying a car is like dating: Read the rest of this entry »

6 Killer Dating Links

Writing this blog gives me a great excuse to troll the web and read articles on dating without seeming too weird. Or much weirder. Anyway, the links can sometimes be insightful and full of swell ideas for relationships and dating. Here are 6 killer articles on the world of dating. Read the rest of this entry »

Dating Inquisition By My 8 Year-Old Niece

spanish inquisition motivational poster monty pythonI spent a fun 4th of July with my brother Chris and his family picnicking and watching fireworks.  In their backyard at lunch, my adorable 8 year-old niece sat next to me at the picnic table and asked matter-of-factly, “So, Uncle Jonathan, how old are you now?

I paused a long moment, then mumbled into my veggieburger, “Thirty-ish.”  Fully expecting her to be agog at my ancientness (and near falsehood), I was a bit surprised when she calmly continued her line of questioning.

Thirty-ish.”  She pondered my answer.  “And are you dating anyone?Read the rest of this entry »

The Dating Sweet Spot

So, there’s this hilarious mythical theory stating that from ages 35 to 45 men are in the perfect position to date the widest age range of women: from post college lasses in their mid twenties to the lasses’ 55 year old mothers (but not actually the mothers and daughters simultaneously because that would be weird). It's known as the Dating Sweet Spot. One could surmise, based purely on age averages, that men in their 30s and 40s cut right in between those extreme age groups of women, thus giving credence to this theory of successfully dating all around the outer edges of time and space. Read the rest of this entry »

The Bachelor Goat Who Liked To Eat: A Cautionary Tale

(To be recited in an elegant English accent or Suessian manner near a big red barn, overlooking grazing goats, while standing on your head in the mud, until the farmer chases you off his property with a shotgun.) There once was a young goat named Gatsby the Bleater, who never stopped feeding, he was such a big eater. Read the rest of this entry »

Enhance Your Life By Taking Free Courses

billymadison adam sandler movie school(Our guest writer, Brian Jenkins, writes about a variety of education topics for This includes college level courses in culinary arts, which many bachelors out there could desperately use.)


Do you feel as though you could use some upgrades to your dating, personal finance, and/or cooking skills? Perhaps you’re preparing to take a beautiful woman to a fancy restaurant and you want to learn how to reject wines like an expert? You can learn this skill, and other skills useful for bachelors, for free! Let’s take a look at some free courses and some other interesting resources:

Cooking Classes

After preparing and providing an elaborate home cooked meal, your date says, “That was very good.” However, even your parakeet knows she’s lying. What can you do? Take a cooking class and learn how to cook scrumptious meals. You may even get lucky and meet some women in class.

European Cooking Vacations

Take a European cooking vacation and add some spice to your life. The International Kitchen offers an array of cooking vacations and one day classes in France, Italy, and Spain. The programs also include sightseeing tours. Cooking Vacations provides hands-on cooking classes and cultural tours in Italy’s 20 regions.

Free Online Wine Courses

How can you class yourself up to impress women? You could always wear a monocle. But perhaps a better choice would be to dazzle women with your wine knowledge. Take these two free online wine courses. The short interactive course will have you tasting wines like an expert, while the advanced course teaches you how to do the following:

  • Differentiate and describe wines like an expert
  • Talk about and order wine with confidence
  • Save money when buying wine
  • Reject wines commonly accepted by other people
  • Pair wine with food

Personal Finances

You don’t know much about personal finance topics? Is your brain melting due to your substantial credit card debt? What can you do? Enhance your knowledge by taking some free online personal finance courses. Check out Financial Security for All at eXtension, Money 101, and Planning for a Secure Retirement.

Even if you’re an expert on personal finance, consider taking a free undergraduate business course through MIT OpenCourseWare. MIT’s Sloan School of Business Management offers an extensive list of free classes. And yes, you can impress women by casually letting it be known you’re taking classes at MIT!

Speak With Class

How can you woo your date? Sprinkle the conversation with romantic French phrases. Don’t have the time or money to move to Paris? No problem! Take free online french lessons! Obviously, you’ll need to wear a beret to complete the wooing process.

By not paying a dime for these life-enhancing courses, you can buy that 2011 Mercedes-Benz CL-Class automobile (MSRP $110,400) you’ve been thinking about! THAT should impress a few ladies.


(The opinions expressed by this writer don’t necessarily reflect those of The Domesticated Bachelor.)

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Top Bachelor Links of the Week (Feb 6-12)


Phaistos Disk-1700BC. Can you crack the code?

Last week was most notable for the Super Bowl and some heavy changes in Egypt that hopefully don’t make things worse than they were (cross your fingers on that power vacuum).  On a somewhat lighter note, I’ve gathered some nifty new weblinks from last week that might be of interest to the bachelor folk. 

1. The Best & Worst Cities For MenMen’s Health graded 100 major cities in the US using several criteria, including health & social factors.  I was pretty stoked because my city, Lincoln, Nebraska, came in 6th! (Lincoln’s done fantastically on several comparison lists over the last few years, which gives me some consolation since I don’t live in the Pacific Northwest.)  Take a look to see if your city made the list.

2. 10 Man Caves The real estate site made a list of 10 great man caves, including Larry the Cable Guy’s man cave.  Not so much bachelor pads as bachelor islands in the seas of marriage.  Or something. 

3. Top 10 Uncracked Codes If you thought women were hard to crack, check out these 10 codes that have stymied cryptologists for years.  One was even written by the composer Elgar in 1897.  Maybe you can crack them (probably not).  My brother sent me this link.

4. $20,000 To Hack Chrome For all you computer geniuses and/or nerds (like my college roommate Ted) who need legal & financially happy outlets for your hacking skills, check out Google’s offer of $20,000 to anyone who can hack their Chrome browser during an event in Vancouver next month.

5. 2045:  The Year Man Becomes Immortal (The Singularity)
This was a fascinating article from Time about Ray Kurzweil’s belief in ‘The Singularity’, where computers may soon far surpass human intelligence resulting in humans merging with machines in one of a couple ways.  A fascinating read, if potentially disconcerting.  Cyborg stuff.

6. 6 New Mythbusting Rules for Singles– surveyed 5,000 single men & women and found some surprising things that defied stereotypes, including that men fall in love more quickly and are more eager to have children.  Why must they tell our secrets?

7. Silver Bullion Backwardation Suggests Supply Stress-Running out of silver?  Sort of.  The demand is greater than the current supply which means prices should continue to run up for some time.  The article explains backwardation and what that means for the price of silver.  I started watching silver prices last summer when they were at the $17.50 an ounce level.  Today silver is just over $30/oz and this particular article expects it to reach as much as $130 in the not too distant future.  The instability of our fiat currencies certainly helps silver and gold, but gold is a bit high for the average investor (currently over $1360 an ounce).  Silver is outpacing gold with help from it’s many industrial uses, including it’s use as a conductor in solar power cells.  The article doesn’t quite suggest you run to your local coin dealer and stock up, hoarding silver in a hole in your backyard for retirement and/or nuclear fallout, but it didn’t really need to.  I think there was a link for that.

The secret word is cryptology


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Timely Link

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Obama Releases 500,000 Men From US Strategic Bachelor Reserve

I know the female readership might be interested in this faux report, just as the dudes would be delighted if the SI Swimsuit edition came to life in their living rooms.  However, the ladies of the future may really be in luck…say, in 10 years when 30 million extra Chinese males come of age and starts looking around for for companionship.  For now, check out this video from the Onion.

Obama Releases 500,000 Men From U.S. Strategic Bachelor Reserve

Why (and What) Nice Guys Win

{The estrogen infusion continues with the latest in our series, Inside the Female Mind and a rebuttal to Nice Guys Finish Last.}

(Our guest blogger is Lydia Dukaric.  Lydia writes the travel blog Travelchick.)

During the past ten years, I dated some guys who fit right into the category we term “bad boys”.  They kept me guessing about how they felt, I was never quite sure I could trust them, and it always seemed that I was asking for more than they were willing to give.  I was continually either wildly ecstatic or psychotically depressed.  There was no in-between.  I constantly felt that I was trying to live up to some unknown standard in order to keep the relationship together, while simultaneously attempting to frantically shove the guys into a certain mold that would make them perfect for me.  I focused on a few seamless qualities they possessed while trying not to take notice of any number of serious flaws.  Exciting? Stressful?  Addicting?  Yes on all counts!  But was that really what I wanted?

Apparently not, because two months ago I married a nice guy.

Ooooh, there’s that dreaded phrase: Nice Guy…  It’s gotten such a bad rap as the two ominous words women use when referring to a man with whom they’d rather share a genetic code than a bed.  Even I cringe a little when I hear it.  In movies, when a woman has just met a rather bland man, she always tells her friends he’s a “nice guy” and then immediately focuses her attention on the most thoughtless, emotionally unavailable, and arrogant man around.  He’s always also very attractive.  This is unfortunate.  I believe that nice guys have been deceptively portrayed as spineless, boring, and even needy.  And what woman in her right mind wants a guy like that!  I sure don’t!

Women Want Confidence

What we REALLY want is a man who is confident, surprising, a little bit irreverent, and trusts himself enough to allow us to trust him too.  When a guy is into us, we want to feel a little (or a lot) like we’ve won some sort of coveted prize.  That is, unfortunately, the vibe that nice guys often fail to exude and what gives them such a horrible reputation.  Confidence is supremely attractive.  Bad boys aren’t necessarily any more confident than nice guys (Though some of them have actually been able to convince themselves that they are your every dream come true, which is even worse.  Confidence and arrogance are not the same thing.), but they’re always much better at pretending, which is why woman tend to get sucked in, and even think these guys are more attractive.  Pretending isn’t enough, though, because it requires that he keep her at arm’s length lest she discover his ruse and subsequently disavow his power over her.  A nice guy who is sincerely confident, however, will ultimately win.  You can’t pretend forever.  We could go into what real confidence looks like and how to have it, but that’s another topic altogether.

Women Want Trust

One of my favorite things about my husband is that I can trust him- not just to be faithful to me (though that’s a big part of it), but to take up the slack when I’m not around.   I know that I don’t always have to be in control of everything.  I know he has a sense of personal responsibility.  I know that he is interested in the well-being of, not just himself, but of us as a partnership.  I know that he’s there for me when I need him most.  It makes a big difference.  This is my favorite nice-guy quality because a man who has genuine confidence can stop thinking about himself long enough to think about someone else.  I know that when he does things he’s not merely thinking about what he can do to get ahead (i.e. What will this get me later on tonight), but what will benefit the two of us as a couple.  A bad boy, by definition, needs to make the woman feel that he is all that matters when the chips are down, and he isn’t really focused on finding someone he can trust either.  When the chips really are down, the woman who relies on the bad boy is on her own.

Women Want Authenticity

While it’s true that a “project” can be exciting and make a woman feel worthwhile and needed, what happens when she actually succeeds in breaking her man down into the little bits and pieces of what she wants him to be?  Isn’t the allure of the fixer-upper immediately broken?  I heartily agree that women want to feel needed and useful.  We are natural nurturers, so the idea of helping some poor hapless soul to find their way is understandably gratifying.  I’d like to propose, however, that bad boys incite the need for this behavior, while a good guy provides what we crave in a more constructive manner.  Bad boys by nature make women feel that they don’t really need them- and it’s the insecurity these guys create in her that makes her feel that she must tackle him as a project.  The nice guy, however, can validate the woman for her role in the relationship, admit that he needs her in ways that don’t involve changing him, and give her that opportunity to nurture without becoming neurotic.  It’s a wonderful feeling to find someone who’s already the man we want him to be and still know that he needs us.

Nice Guys Win… What Exactly?

We really need to talk now about this whole idea of winning.  What is “winning” exactly?  Guys, if your goal is to bed as many women as possible, then being a bad boy is where it’s at and you can disregard everything I’ve said up until now.  A woman who isn’t looking for anything more than a little fun (and even some who are) will flock to you like bees to honey.  The bad boy demeanor has instant gratification and the thrill of the moment written all over it.  But that’s all you’ll get:  the moment.  If you want the long-lasting love and support of a charming and faithful woman, however, you might want to think again.  If you want to know that she wants you for you and not because you’re playing a clever game with her, it’s time to change your ways.  When I married my husband (and I’m pretty sure that means he didn’t finish last!), I knew he was a nice guy- one who is both confident and humble, tender and cheeky, playful and trustworthy- and I married him because of this.  When they think about the father of their children, women don’t want the wayward bad boy and they don’t want the ingratiating “nice guy”.  They want a man who is genuine, confident, and trustworthy.  Guys like that really win.

Lydia Dukaric is a newlywed with a graduate degree in molecular biology who does behavioral therapy with autistic children and has a secret passion for writing.  Her favorite topics are travel, relationships, health, and personality type. She lives with her husband, cat, and two parakeets in a small suburb of Detroit, Michigan. She maintains a travel blog at

Related Reads:

Nice Guys Finished Last:  Why Women Are Attracted To Bad Boys

Top 5 Reasons Women Choose to Stay Single

The Jaded Sage and What Women Want

Brigitte Dale and Nice Guys

Bachelor Secrets Part 1: Why Are They Single?

Bachelor Secrets Part 2: Dating Habits

Intimidated By Smart Girls?

My Bucket List: 100 Things To Do Before I Die

Changing Your Relationship Status on a Social-Networking Site

Couples Vs Singles: Socialization

Dating Advice From The Family

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Nice Guys Finish Last: Why Women are Attracted to Bad Boys

{This is the 2nd in our series, Inside the Female Mind}

(Our guest blogger is Louise Baker.  Louise is a freelance writer whose articles have been featured by MSN, Publisher’s Weekly, and the Consumerist.  She writes for

Unfortunately for the sweet do-right guys out there, it seems that the undeserving bad boy typically gets the girl. Bad boys are rude, inattentive, unfaithful, cheap and an all-around burden for women, but women generally eat up their bad boy demeanor. Personally, I’ve been there and I’ve done that. So, I’m here to tell men just why the bad boy essence is so alluring to the ladies.

It’s all About the Chase

While I may not be riding on the back of a Harley Davidson or posting bail for my bad boy, the union is still rather exciting. He makes me chase him, work for his affection and wonder whether or not my efforts are making him swoon. Approximately 80% of the time the adventure is torturous to my emotions. But, the remaining 20% is filled with an exciting chase which makes all of my senses, emotions and beliefs defy everything I’ve ever known. To most girls, this rush is worth the trouble.

He’s Arm Candy

Let’s face it – looks do matter, and it just so happens that most bad boys tend to make rather scrumptious arm candy. The tailored-to-the-tee style, the nonchalant attitude and the natural good looks are enough to make most girls do a double take. And, if I’m strolling down the street, mall, restaurant or casino with a hunk of a man, it boosts my own ego. It may sound like trying to get a date with the Quarterback in High School, but girls are still competitive and thrive on social standings. My arm candy boosts my social status all the more.

It’s a Project

As a woman, I’m a natural born nurturer. I want to feel needed. I want my input to make a difference in someone’s behavior. And I want to be able to take a sick animal (in this case, my bad boyfriend), and turn him into a thriving, picture-perfect being (in this case, the perfect man). If the man is already close to perfection, as the sweet do-gooders already are, there’s nothing for me to do. There’s less gratification in being with a man that already meets my standards than there is when I have the possibility to turn my bad boy into my perfect Stepford husband.

I can try to change his attitudes, his habits, his living arrangements, his style and his mannerisms. Yes, it sounds neurotic. But, I’m a fixer. And, this is a project which has my name written all over it. Of course, most women do outgrow this stage. But this transition typically only occurs after wasting valuable time on the wrong bad-natured boys.

In hindsight, dating a bad boy is a way for women to feel young, cool, needed and interested. Bad boys cause so much havoc that it’s nearly impossible to get bored, and they let women relive our crazy youth in heart-stopping style.

(Stay tuned for a rebuttal in defense of nice guys!)

Louise Baker writes about online degrees for Zen College Life. She has also recently written about the best schools online.

Related Posts:

Top 5 Reasons Women Choose to Stay Single (1st in the series: Inside the Female Mind)

The Jaded Sage and What Women Want

Brigitte Dale and Nice Guys

Bachelor Secrets Part 1: Why Are They Single?

Bachelor Secrets Part 2: Dating Habits

Intimidated By Smart Girls?

My Bucket List: 100 Things To Do Before I Die

Changing Your Relationship Status on a Social-Networking Site

Couples Vs Singles: Socialization

Dating Advice From The Family

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Top 5 Reasons Women Choose to Stay Single

{This is the 1st in our series, Inside the Female Mind}

(Our guest blogger is Louise Baker.  Louise is a freelance writer whose articles have been featured by MSN, Publisher’s Weekly, and the Consumerist.  She writes for

Reason Number Five: Religious

Incompatible religious beliefs are a big deal breaker even for new romances, and usually cause a stall in the relationship even where the couple is able to enjoy each other’s company in social settings. While tolerance is the watch word nowadays, many women feel their personal religious sentiments (or lack thereof) are ties to emotional wellbeing, and find that a mutual agreement in this area is a must for an intimate relationship. Not having that connection keeps a girl going solo.

Reason Number Four: Financial

In these tumultuous financial times, it’s tough enough to pay your own bills, and some women aren’t willing to require financial statements before making an emotional commitment. Being wary about the man in the equation and his math aptitude, rather than getting some ugly financial news (i.e. poor credit score, no savings, past due car payments) after the relationship has grown, Frugal Felicia turns down the applicant and stays single rather than spending years in a relationship paying down someone else’s past due child support.

Reason Number Three: Personal Goals

It’s much easier to keep your eye on the goal when it’s not being distracted by a glint in someone else’s. The need to pursue a college degree or the “perfect” career choice can be too demanding to find time to spend with someone else. Many women know that goals can be fleeting and feel that the prize belongs to the youngest prettiest, contestant. With those golden years passing by quickly, staying single to meet personal goals can be the quick ticket to get where you want to go without extra baggage.

Reason Number Two: High Expectations

Sometimes it’s expectations that have women choosing to stay single. After sitting down and making “must have”, “would like to have” and “can do without” lists, a lot of women find that no one guy can fit their high expectations. But who can blame them? After waiting for Prince Charming all their life and knowing they deserve only the best, staying single can be so much more attractive than settling for second best.

Top Reason Number One: Self Satisfaction

Being content with her own life (being gratified with her work, her art, her family and friends) is the number one reason why women choose to stay single. Not having to deal with someone else’s annoying habits, or being criticized for your own, can really bring peace to any mind. Not answering to anyone else, and being so comfortable in the single woman’s place in this world, is a really fabulous way to keep putting yourself first and foremost at all times.

Louise Baker is a freelance blogger and journalist who writes for Zen College Life, the directory of higher education, distance learning, and online schools. She most recently wrote about the top online accredited colleges.

Related Reading:

Nice Guys Finish Last:  Why Women Women are Attracted to Bad Boys (2nd in the series)

Bachelor Secrets Part 1: Why Are They Single?

Bachelor Secrets Part 2:  Dating Habits

Intimidated By Smart Girls?

My Bucket List:  100 Things To Do Before I Die

Changing Your Relationship Status on a Social-Networking Site

Couples Vs Singles:  Socialization

Dating Advice From The Family

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Related Blogs

To My Married Female Friends

Dear Awesome Married Female Friends,

I want to thank you so so much for the generously sweet pity you’ve shown me in offering to set me up with your single female friends.  Look at you being all matchmakey.  I know you’ve given it considerable thought in deciding I was possibly among the least heinous of the single guys you know who might be suitable for dating your friends and I could not be more appreciative.

Surprisingly, your single female friends (SFF) seem completely non-mutant, even pretty, happy, interesting, and well-adjusted for people forced to live in places like Canada, Hawaii and the east coast.  And Michigan.  I’m only mildly suspicious.  Thank you for letting me see pictures.  This is vitally important.  Feel free to email pics to me anytime.  I commend you on your fine suggestions and am aware that it reflects on how you view me (as possibly one of the least heinous single dudes you know).

While it may seem I have looked the gift horse in the mouth, seen the uvula, and chosen a vow of continual solitude, this isn’t quite the case and I still stand by my concern at the inherent problems in a long-distance relationship (really, this is only slightly a ruse).  In fact, at this very moment I am yet considering these most important and intriguing opportunities (that all seem to have weirdly come around the same time.  I don’t suspect my mom yet.) and am weighing them against my cowardice.  I fully appreciate your willingness to allow time for my deepest contemplation and over-analysis (analysis paralysis).

As I arrange my fantasy baseball roster for the day, I’ll reflect on what wonderful friends I have, what’s wrong with their friends, whether I should play Kosuke Fukudome in right field, why I shouldn’t mispronounce his name that way, and how big a dork I really am.

Thank you again so much,
(By the way, your hair looked really nice today.)

The secret fake word is matchmakey

Related Reads:

Google-Stalking the Ex

Couples v Singles:  Socialization

Bachelor Secrets 2-Dating Habits

Bachelor Secrets 1- Why Are They Single?

World Of Warcraft…Dating?

Dating Advice From The Family

Family Advice: A Reversal (Sort Of)

Dating Satisfaction Survey

Changing Your Relationship Status On A Social-Networking Site

More, Even:

Bachelors in History

Which is Your Type? A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz

Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door

Celebrity Crushes: Is Elegance Elitist?

Valentine’s Day Shame

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