Loading ...Naming the Bachelor Fortress
September 28, 2011 | 
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Superman Hides from Lois Lane
The Vanderbilts have the Biltmore Estate. The French royals had Versailles. Blenheim Palace is the birthplace of Winston Churchill and has a fun garden maze. Superman had the Fortress of Solitude. Um, there’s Howard’s End. See, I think it’s time I named my little house. My bachelor pad. My precious.
Casa de la Muerte is out. Exotic, but too Spanish Goth. No dead bodies. Of course, there’s always the Love Shack. (cringe)
You know what? Let’s cut to the chase; I’m just going to go with Fortress of Solitude. Maybe. I planned to brainstorm, perhaps find something with ‘goat’ in the title, ask for reader suggestions, maybe set up a poll with a Powerpoint presentation. But no.
Fortress of Solitude is cool. It’s Superman! The freakin’ man of steel. I have Superman t-shirts and look a bit like Clark Kent with the glasses (with 5 o’clock shadow and if he lets himself go a bit), so there’s that.
It’s just that a king should have his castle and name it the tackiest thing possible as a semi-reflection of himself. Which makes the Fortress of Solitude (FoS) sadly accurate. Aside from ‘Ted Kaczynski’s Crime-Free Bunker’, FoS is probably the best name for my bachelor pad.
Superman’s FoS is a lonely place for the caped hero to be a hermit, except for him it’s more like a seasonal Arctic retreat where he unwinds, hides out from the naggy Lois Lane, and plays videos of his dead alien parents over and over, while “Wind Beneath My Wings” drones in the background. After the sobbing he always gets to prevent some worldwide catastrophe, make PSAs with Supergirl, and accept the key to the city of Metropolis, while texting innuendos to Lois about how he’s going to infiltrate her fortress. He’s only a ‘sometime’ hermit. My FoS is a fulltime stop, baby.
It’s decided then. I won’t deal with the whole “Is the name too obnoxious?” or “Is it too Hipsterish?” (which is sort of repeating the 1st thing). No vacillation and no hang-ups about it not being creative enough (that’s going to gnaw on me a little). Verily, then, shall my house be henceforth known as the Fortress of Solitude! Cop-out? Sure. Stick that in your Howard’s End. db
the secret word is vacillation
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