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Archive for January 2011

POLL: Who’s Your Favorite Hottie Actress of the ’50s?

LaurenBacall AudreyHepburn GraceKelly AvaGardner SophiaLoren NatalieWood actresses 50s

Clockwise from top left: Lauren Bacall, Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly, Natalie Wood, Sophia Loren, Ava Gardner

Poll time:  Who’s Your Favorite Hottie Actress of the ’50s?

If you’re retirement age, you might have adored these talented (and magically delicious) actresses the first time around during Hollywood’s Golden Age (circa 1950s).  Some of us younger folk have since grown to appreciate the grooviness of women who could be our grandmothers.  I think I mentioned before that I’m a bit of a Natalie Portman fan (see exhibit A & exhibit B), but there’s just something swell about the classic elegance of these fine Hollywood hotties.  A few of these actresses hit their heydays before the ‘50s, some just after, but they all did great work in the ‘50s. There were other excellent actresses from the period, but these are the 6 I like best (I’ve left out Elizabeth Taylor and Marilyn Monroe because they’re overly popular and just not my favs).  Please vote for your favorite and tell us why in the comments, then check back for the results (you can see the results of the Favorite Fictional Bachelor Poll and still vote!).  Feel free to research their film catalogs and get back to us.

The secret word is classic.

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Secret Ingredients and Family Recipes

recipe box recipes

not my recipe box (don't have one)

by Jonathan Boxlunch Perry

Recently, I visited my mom in Minnesota, and while there I took the opportunity to dig through her recipe boxes and copy my favorite recipes for yummy happy eating time.  Fortunately, I had my camera, so I just photographed them.  You didn’t think I was going to hand copy 25 recipes in one sitting, did you?  I’m not a medieval monk.  In fact, during my visit, she helped me cook some stuff, even though she’s been quite ill.  Actually, I helped her.  The food was delicious, I got fatter, we bonded, I practiced domesticity.  There you go.  This will help me circumvent having to call her for recipes.  I’ll still call her, of course, being the doting son and mama‘s boy that I am.  It’ll just be more for the weather report.  And tips on removing stains.  Stuff like that.  Oh, and to check up on her.

So we grow up with these tasty dishes and hopefully learn to make them ourselves or mate with someone who can make reasonable facsimiles and hope there‘s no withheld secret ingredient to throw off a recipe.  I mean, who would do that?  Who does grandma think she is, passing off recipes without all the ingredients?  Is there some posthumous cooking contest she’s trying to win?  Her competition is either dead or senile in a home and  isn’t allowed near the stove anyway for fear of a fiery death.  Or did she think Kellogg-Kraft was going to rip off her 10-layer lasagna and cash in?  And what if grandma goes to the great beyond before she shares her terrible secret (which is probably a teaspoon of cinnamon)?  I’ll tell you what, you’ll be stuck eating inferior food the rest of your life and may be forced to abandon family tradition for Martha Stewart’s hoity-toity ringer recipe that requires obscure ingredients like Mongolian goat bouillon!  or whatever.  Well, that just won’t do.  Also, I’m a non-goat-eating vegetarian.  Only fake-goat bouillon for me, thank-you.

recipe texas sheet cake

Texas Sheet Cake Recipe

I’ve helped my mom make many of these dishes over the years and can probably replicate them if forced at gunpoint, though quite slowly and not as expertly.  One thing I noticed while searching the recipe boxes is that many of these recipes were ones she acquired from her friends over a period of 50+ years.  They say things like “From the Kitchen of Linda” or Vicki or Arlene.  There are also those special recipes from my grandmas and even an awesome one from my great-grandma Gottschall:  Dutch Apple Cake.  Yum!  It’s nice to know you’re making something that your great-grandma made 80 years ago.  Perhaps she got the recipe from her great-grandma, pushing the baked goods lineage back a few hundred years into Europe when sugar was first making a diabetic splash (you try not to suspect the recipe was copied from a 1930s issue of Better Homes and Gardens).

I always look forward to my mom, grandma and aunts cooking for me.  They make great stuff and sometimes there are weird memories tied to the food, like that time mom made lentils and my brother Jay tricked her into giving him the birthright.  Good times (see Genesis).  But these moments are fading.  It’s a good thing my brothers and I cook (well, mostly my brothers) or some of these recipes would just disappear forever and everyone would forget what Broccoli Jello Surprise tastes like (okay, that‘s not a family recipe).  Actually, I’m sure many have disappeared from generation to generation, which is sad.  Really, though, it’s survival of the fittest recipes.  I only copied about 25 recipes, after all, not the full 200.  (I never claimed to be an archivist.  I‘ll get more later.).  But of the recipes I have, all the ingredients seem to be intact, which is a relief.  Everything tastes right.  No glaring omissions from grandma.  No wrong-tasting Special K Loaf.  No secret ingredients withheld.  Unless the secret ingredient is love (and that just seems like a therapy issue).

Stay Tuned for a Bachelor Eating eBook!

the secret word is bouillon

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A Moment of Silence For Natalie Portman’s Singleness


by Jonathan Bryan Perry

Well dudes, by now you’ve heard the sad news that Natalie Portman is engaged & ‘with child’, as they say.  This effectively takes her off the market (though certainly she’s in a different market from, you know, us).  So, let’s have a moment of silence for Natalie Portman’s singleness.    Good.  Thanks.  Obviously, she’s not dead, but the love song I wrote for her, “Natalie Portman is Hot”, is now moot (yes, Myrtle & Blanche, I wrote love songs for other women.  And I totally rhymed hot with Huguenot.).  It doesn’t matter that I sang all 8 parts of the harmony way better than The Bee Gees or The King’s Singers ever could and I didn’t even have to undergo drastic countertenor/falsetto ‘enhancement’ surgeries.  Mostly.

Anyway Natalie, I just want to take a minute to remember ‘us’ and the special times we spent together over the years:  You acting all royal in Star Wars prequels.  Me watching alone in the dark in my Han Solo duds (ok, a Wookiee costume).  You listening to The Shins with Zach Braff in Garden State.  Me jealously wanting to lend you some slightly better Indie-ish music I was listening to at the time.  Me watching you rap awesomely on that SNL sketch.  Me Googling photos of you.  For my blog.  Really.


more extreme make-up. Nat in Star Wars

Yes guys, Natalie Portman’s all gone.  It was coming, though.  We all saw it.  After she went off to that fancy university with the rich boys, you know, to emphasize her smarts with her hots, there was a poignant stripper pole scene somewhere (This is off point.  Or is it?).  Now, of course, it ends with one of her co-stars.  The collective mourning probably started back when she shaved her head in V for Vendetta (and for the super-lame ending of the movie.  WTH?), but we at least knew her hair would grow back.  Also, she does have a nice skull.  Yes, there were signs.  We’ll take some solace knowing she spent some ‘special’ time with Mila Kunis in The Black Swan.  This will help. Truly.

Now, being engaged does not make one married, but when there’s a baby involved, you don’t mess with it, cuz, well, you know…  So, with much sadness, I’ll man up and wish her all the happiness in the world.  Maybe dress in a black Sith outfit for a few days before I start Googling pics of the secretarial pool from Mad Men.  For my blog, of course.

Natalie, may the force be with you.  Also, I think Jonathan is a great name for a baby.

The secret word is mourning

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Take the pseudo-Cosmo quiz to find out your type ->

Read more on types of women:

Celebrity Crushes: Is Elegance Elitist?

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Sound of Music DEATH MATCH!!! Liesl v Maria

Other Swellness

No Mom, I’m Not Gay

The Great Massage Adventure

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