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Bachelor Easter Recipe: Mom’s Creamed Eggs With Croutons

by Jonathan Boiled Perry

A few years ago I called my mom to get the recipe for an awesome egg dish she makes, mostly around Easter, and instead of saying “No way! Figure it our yourself, genius!” or “Get your own stupid recipe, you sponge!” she graciously obliged and now I can feed my face in a whole new glorious way.  It’s one of those tasty comfort foods my brothers and I really enjoyed while growing up in the Shire next to Bilbo.  I’ve made it a few times since and, against all odds, haven’t managed to screw it up.  I think it was the first recipe I “collected” and wrote down (come to think of it, it could be the only one).  Do I foresee a recipe box in my future?  Who knows.  I do know that this year I won’t be doing any Easter egg hunts with foxes and metal detectors and I probably won’t be dyeing any eggs with the pulp of an exotic flower, but I may make this recipe.  I should drag it out more because it’s good stuff (not in a cross-dressing drag sort of way).  In fact, I have a craving right now (again, non-drag). Now!

Mom’s Creamed Eggs With Croutons

(Makes 1 Serving)
2 Eggs
1 Cup Milk
2 Tbsp Margarine
2 Tbsp Flour
1/4 Tsp Salt

3 Slices of bread

Bread: Begin your journey of a thousand calories by cutting your bread slices into nifty crouton sizes, then spread the pieces on a cookie sheet or baking pan.  Put in the oven at a temp of 250 degrees.  This basically just lightly toasts your bread, but in a fancy way.  Keep an eye on the bread & remove before it gets brown.  This probably completes by the time you’re done making the egg sauce.  I suppose you could be lazy and lightly toast bread in a toaster, then cut it up.  You could probably even use real croutons, but that just seems wrong and you’d suck.

In the meantime, boil the 2 eggs.  (Here are egg-boiling instructions for the dudes who need them.)  In a pot-thingy cover the eggs with cold water.  Add whatever amount of salt you use to boil eggs (like pinches or smidgens, etc.  This is different from the salt listed in the ingredients.).  Cover and turn to high heat.  When it boils, turn down to low & let sit for 14 minutes (I guess this hard-boils it, which is how we do it in my tribe.  You might like it soft-boiled, if you’re weird.).

White Sauce: While this boiling business is doing it’s thang, get a saucy pan & spray it with Pam or some other spray stuff named after a woman and turn the temp to mostly high heat.  Add your margarine, flour, and salt and stir as it melts.  After it’s melty and mixed add milk, then turn temp to mostly high.  Stir constantly with a fork or something shiny.  When your cauldron comes to a boil, turn off the burner and when it bubbles in the middle, remove from burner.  Repeat the words “Double double toil and trouble.  Fire burn and cauldron bubble.”

Back to the eggs- run cold water in the egg pan.  (If you have time and are really in the mood, decorate your eggs.  Do the crazy colors!  See if the colors don’t bleed through the shell to the eatin’ parts.)  Peel your boiled eggs and cut them into chunks.  Stir the egg chunks into your white sauce.  Chunky.

You’re done.  Just put the bread on a plate, put the sauce on top and consume.  I should probably go make this again to be sure I didn’t leave anything out, just in case it called for strychnine (that may be one of mom’s other recipes).

Happy Easter!

The secret word is cauldron.

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4 Responses to “Bachelor Easter Recipe: Mom’s Creamed Eggs With Croutons”

  • Jay:

    we have about 4 dozen eggs. we intend to do this to some of them tomorrow. what I love best is when some of them are all color-y from the dyeing process.


  • admin:

    Awesome! I love it when there are colored egg bits, too.

  • Roland:

    We always made a similar dish.. instead of the eggs, we use canned salmon and peas. Awesome dish.

  • admin:

    Interesting. I can see adding peas. Maybe even potatoes. Turn it into an Indian dish & serve it over rice rice, baby.