by Jonathan Bogart Perry
In my last post, Secrets Of The Modern Bachelor: Part 1. Why Are They Single?, we met the members of our esteemed bachelor panel who told us they’re single for reasons other than that they‘re mutants and lazy. Their answers ranged from being too busy for relationships, to taking time off from them, to fear, to just not being ready to settle down. One bachelor has the fake name Raoul, which I very much like for a fake name (I came up with it, cuz it‘s my study).
In the following paragraphs, we find out about their dating habits, as if they’re rats to be studied. We also tackle the pros and cons of singleness and the bachelors’ interactions with couples.
Types and Frequency of Dating
When asked about dating frequency, our bachelors had a large range. One dated regularly, perhaps once every ten days to two weeks on average. Another dated a few times a year, dating one woman for several months at a time. The last two guys had only been on a few dates ever in their lives. Some of the guys who didn’t really like the stress of dating, only dated when they were seriously interested in a woman. They considered themselves to be super-picky.
One lucky bachelor had actually been set up on a blind date and was about to go on a rare follow-up date, but didn’t really expect much from it because the first date hadn’t gone so hot. I’m not quite sure how they wrangled that second date. The other guys hadn’t been set up on blind dates, with one thinking he wouldn’t take it very seriously, while another had so far refused the set-up date, only allowing for it under the strictest conditions that it’s a well-trusted friend who’s a very good salesperson that arranges this uncomfortable, though well-vetted, set-up.
The questions I was interested in the most were about online dating: had the bachelors dated online and what were their experiences? Online dating is something I’ve considered (Sort of. Not really.), but I definitely wanted some good feedback first from the poor guinea pig saps who‘ve already tried it. James H thought online dating was ok, but preferred personal introductions from friends. He pointed out how easy it is to lie on a profile or use fake or old pictures. Nathan hadn’t tried online dating, but had the same concerns. Josh had tried it, wasn’t impressed by it, and said he’d never do it again. Raoul didn’t think he’d ever use it, citing the differences between online and real life.
James S was more positive. He’d dated online and didn’t think it was bad. He thought it was useful for eliminating people with whom he had nothing in common without blowing 50 bucks on a doomed date. He thinks more people should try it because he’s found good platonic friends that way, but questioned whether one could find a soul mate through online dating.
Advantages and Disadvantages to Singleness
I next asked the dudes about the advantages and disadvantages of being a bachelor, knowing that freedom has a price. The gentlemen agreed. For advantages, they liked not having to edit themselves for someone else and not being concerned about how something they do affects their mate. They cited having more free time and being able to do whatever, whenever, and wherever they pleased. Keeping their own schedule was popular concept. James S noted with particular relish that singleness exempted one from Valentine’s Day purchases and rituals.
Of course, there were some noted minor drawbacks to not being in a relationship. Among the guys, general loneliness and lack of physical contact were big negatives (Sex, smooching, and heavy petting were mentioned. And actually in those words.). The gentlemen missed not being able to tell their problems to a romantic partner, though other platonic friends could fill in as confidants in a pinch. Josh generally liked to be able to talk to a significant other and also wanted to have someone he could admire and be concerned about and who would reciprocate those things. Among the guys, other disadvantages were having to start over with a new relationship, worrying about what other people thought of them and their pathetic states, and not having children. All of the guys hoped to have relationships in the future and had no intention to join holy orders.
Interactions With Couples
As for strange interactions with couples, James H noted how he disliked it when his friends had to check with their spouses or girlfriends before they did anything. He actually felt bad for his coupled friends with the ball-and-chains. One bachelor noted the pity he received from couples and how their efforts to assuage his feelings by saying “Aaawww. It’s ok. You’ll find someone, too.” only made him feel worse.
So what do these bachelor insights tell us about the single male? First, besides being mutants, they‘re probably shy or super-laid back (read ‘lazy or busy playing World of Warcraft‘). Second, I’m probably not the first person to go to if you want to collect solid scientific or psychological data. Third, I don’t have nearly as many single male friends as I thought I had. And that’s probably ok because that means there’s less competition for the ladies (I really don‘t envy all those extra bachelors in China. Seriously? A woman shortage? That was really bad planning unless it‘s part of a deeper intermarriage plot to take over the world, in which case that was amazing foresight.). It’s possible that more extensive personality testing could tell us whether more bachelors are phlegmatic and less motivated in general, but it is good to see that some of the bachelors are single by choice and still look forward to a future full of lovin‘, if only in a passive sort of way. I’m also thinking that if women want to find guys, they should start playing World of Warcraft.
The secret word is mutants.
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