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The Jaded Sage And What Women Want
July 30, 2009 | 
Author 
The Fonz
When I sent out my bachelor questionnaire (read Part 1: Why Are They Single? & Part 2: Dating Habits), most of the guys who responded actually answered the questions. This one response was the exception. Instead, I got a bit of sage, if maybe somewhat jaded, advice from one of the older bachelors about what women want, which suggests I may have a few problems, but what does he know? Also, I didn’t actually ask about how to score with women, but…
“Confidentially, I must say that if you really want to score with women…don’t believe them when they say “I want a nice guy next time.” Women don’t know themselves in a conscious way. What they really want, what they’re attracted to is… a confident bad boy they can change to be nice to them. A problem is he’ll never actually change and if he did, they would get bored with him. I believe a non-respectful bad boy arouses a woman’s libido a lot more than a sweet nice guy. A guy needs to learn not to care too much… or at least to have a healthy indifference. That attracts women a lot more than being a sweet, sappy hungry-looking insecure little boy. They want a guy who is in control of the social situation, can keep the conversation going, listens, and asks just enough questions to allow her to do about 85% of the talking. Women like a guy who not only listens, but understands, and asks for clarification on things as necessary in an effort to get the gist of what it is she’s really trying to say.”
This has some ideas similar to those in the Brigitte Dale video about Nice Guys. Also, the part about a woman wanting a guy she can change is similar to PM Chin‘s acknowledgment in her article Turnabout is Fairplay that women look at men like fixer-uppers. There seem to be some valid points here, but I’m sure it varies since, you know, women vary and stuff. What do you goats think? More specifically, what do you women think? Is there value to this? Some points yes, some points no?
Related Reading:
Online Dating: Should You Try It?
Bachelor Secrets 2-Dating Habits
Bachelor Secrets 1- Why Are They Single?
Couples vs Singles: Socialization
Family Advice: A Reversal (Sort Of)
Changing Your Relationship Status On A Social-Networking Site
Which is Your Type? A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz
Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door
Celebrity Crushes: Is Elegance Elitist?
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Stuffed French Toast By Sam The Cooking Guy
Here’s a recipe that looks really tasty: Stuffed French Toast. Sam the Cooking Guy shows us how to do this easy weekend breakfast food. I may have to try it. You can find more good stuff from Sam the Cooking Guy on his website, www.thecookingguy.com , or on YouTube. See the video below.
Related Posts:
Becoming A Domesticated Bachelor: Step #4. Learn To Cook
My Bachelor Weight Loss Secrets: Sticking It To The Terrorists
Becoming A Domesticated Bachelor: Steps 8 & 9. Proper Socialization/Throw Parties
Becoming A Domesticated Bachelor: Step #3. Shape Up, Fatty
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The Prophecy Of The Tornado And The Trailer
by Jonathan Bonsai Perry
For years, the mobile home industry, aka trailer makin’ folks, have bemoaned the negative perceptions suffered by their metal box houses. Things have gotten so bad that trailers are no longer at the top of the bachelor pad wishlist. This raises the question, “Why are trailers so poorly regarded?” Why are they not as highly esteemed as their wheeled relatives, the RVs? Really, the two are much like second cousins. Or step-siblings who haven’t talked to each other since that one weird hot night in Vegas. They’re both made of metallic materials and are square-ish and these commonalities should serve to bond them in the deepest kinship since the Hatfields and the McCoys.
Though the RV, Recreational Vehicle, really is a vehicle that you kind of live in (and is a home that is mobile), it gives the impression that you’re just passing through on your way back to your demi-mansion, if not the retirement village, sometime after you‘ve visited the grandkids, every living relative, and 65% of the fruit stands and 90% of the flea markets between Maine and Washington. RVs seem to carry 
a whiff of excessive wealth and free time, whereas the mobile home, while it is larger than the RV, is not a vacation home, is really your only home, and is much harder to mobilize. They’re much less expensive than normal houses, they’re smaller, and are often set in less than ideal locations, sometimes near neighbors that are considered questionable. But mobile home parks seem to breed something even less desirable: TORNADOES!
Scientific research has shown that mobile homes attract tornadoes in greater numbers than other types of homes or mobile devices (ok, my personal research isn‘t scientific). Tornadoes are awfully fond of the South and the Midwest, having grown up there playing ball, but they’ve also been known to go geographically out of the way, to the ends of the world places like California and Great Britain, just to track down a shiny new mobile home park for a trophy smackdown.
Not only does it probably have something vaguely to do with the metal building doing some weird magnetic ionization with the magical air masses (or not really), but it’s like an easy challenge for a brash young tornado with lots of moxie and hormones. The older, more experienced tornadoes are more constrained and don’t feel the need to destroy every little insignificant metal can along the way. They’ve learned to save up the good stuff for important buildings like the art-nouveau roller skating museum downtown and the historic taco stands so prominent in our bean-and-cheese-lovin’ culture. They’re more likely to make the papers this way. And that’s all they really care about.
One day, every mobile home on earth will invariably be destroyed or relocated by a strong gust of tornadic activity. Yea, verily! For as it is written in the ancient scriptures, unless thou buildest thy mobile homes with rubber materials and perhaps shape them as round balls, thou art just asking for it.
Don’t you see the logic? Mobile homes are going to be blown around anyway, like crazy pieces of belly button lint near a box fan, so you might as well build your trailers with a malleable component that will do as little damage as possible. Insurance rates would drop for everyone, entire neighborhoods could be rearranged with little effort, and joy would reign eternal. You could just roll your home down the street to a better hole. I think it would be swell to watch a ball-house roll and bounce as it settles into a new location near a golf course where the holes are all sizes. That would fix the tornado problem. Fewer witches would be squashed to death. They’d just suffer severe concussions instead. But what do we care anyway? They’re witches, after all, and are lucky the burnings were called off last week.
Related Reading:
How NOT To Decorate The Bachelor Pad
Bachelor Step #10: Collect the Right Toys
Bachelor Step #1: THE BACHELOR PAD
$15 Million Ultimate Bachelor Pad
Tenuously Related Reading:
Logan’s Run & Population Control
Sound Of Music Death Match!!! Liesl v Maria
Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door
Which Is Your Type? A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz
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Online Dating: Should You Try It?
by Jonathan Beriberi Perry
It seems that the future of dating is here and its name is legion, for we are many! Actually, it‘s ‘online dating‘. If you’re a shy person who doesn’t get out much or someone who’s already exhausted the shallow pool of singles in your area, or if you just live in a small backwoods community in the hills where it turns out the only eligible females in the town are your blood relatives, then online dating might be your bag. Really, it’s even good for normal people in normal sized towns who want to increase their chances of finding that special someone without leaving the couch or putting on pants. I know of at least 5 couples that have met online and developed person to person relationships, some of them arguably normal, and even though only 2 of these couples are still together, online dating seems to be an effective means of getting people together. It’s a technological matchmaker.
See. No Pants.
Heretofore, the cultivation of personal social skills, mono a mono action (not fencing), was needed to just get into conventional dating, and for those of us poor single saps who are past our golden college years, there’s a decrease in premium opportunities to practice and keep these dating skills sharp unless you’ve mastered the barhopping scene or don’t mind risking the HR problems at work. Online dating opens up your options incredibly.
One of my friends, we’ll call him Yorick, recently had a rewarding relationship that started on a non-dating social networking site that we’ll call Ego Air (like no one will decode that). He only got onto the site after his sister set up a profile for him as a surprise, so this dating relationship was a happy accident because he wasn‘t looking to date. He felt disinclined to put himself out there until he’d taken care of a few personal issues first which caused him low self-esteem and periodic melancholy (He has a weirdly-shaped head. I think it‘s fine.). Yorick was only looking for old friends online and had little notion to date, but it was through these old school friends that he was introduced to a lovely young lady who still had most of her teeth. They dated a few months and, though the person to person relationship didn’t quite work as well as it had online, they had a good time and learned a lot from the experience. Sure. Let’s be optimistic (Alas, poor Yorick. See, that‘s why I used the name.).
I may even try the online dating thing myself sometime. Or not. I’d probably use one of those scientific dating sites with the quizzes and personality assessments, so there‘d be some pretense of choosiness to back up my own weird standards. Of course, I‘d have to study up to find out which sites are better and how best to interact with female humans online.
However, because I’m a coward and currently unprepared for the world of online dating, and possibly the other kinds, I’ll have to defer to the experience of another friend, Gregg. My buddy Gregg has been dating online for a few years now and has met dozens, nay, scores of prospects from all over the world through several dating sites, though it seems many of the girls, especially from Ukraine or Nigeria, often just want money (I‘m sure there are plenty of fine, upstanding young ladies from these wonderful countries who aren’t asking for money (upfront) and don’t want to be lumped with the others, but, whoomp, there it is.).
These women are quick to profess their love and just need some financial assistance for their visa fees or travel arrangements or to pay their hospital bills from that terrible plane crash in the blizzard with Buddy Holly, The Big Bopper and that guy who sang “La Bamba“. Despite these needy few, Gregg enjoys dating online and seems casual about it, making good friendships. He hasn’t paid any visa fees. Yet. He’s even met one or two of the young ladies in person, though the relationships haven’t gone further. Maybe one will stick for him at some point. I hope so. He’s a super guy. Nicely-shaped head.
Gregg inspires me to think that I should get back in the game again, but I still feel a bit cautious about online dating. Or calling it ’the game’, because that‘s a hugely dorky sounding name which should be expunged from all communication. I may stick with the mono a mono stuff. I hear HR is more lenient this year, so there you go.
Tenuously Related Reading:
Bachelor Secrets 2-Dating Habits
Bachelor Secrets 1- Why Are They Single?
Couples vs Singles: Socialization
Family Advice: A Reversal (Sort Of)
Changing Your Relationship Status On A Social-Networking Site
Which is Your Type? A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz
Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door
Celebrity Crushes: Is Elegance Elitist?
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BACHELOR PROFILES: Vincent Van Gogh
by Jonathan Belgian Waffle Perry
So, Vincent Van Gogh was a bachelor. Had a few girlfriends. Painted some pictures. Dated his models. Hung out with Monet and Gauguin. Lived with a hooker. Spent time as a missionary. Went a little crazy. Cut off his earlobe. Painted some more. Killed himself. Was one of those tortured artist types. Poor bachelor artist.
Born in 1853 in Holland, Vincent Van Gogh, the son of a pastor, was raised in a cultured and religious household. Throughout his life he was a bit unstable and lacked self-confidence. He held positions as a bookstore clerk, an art salesman, and a missionary in Belgium, a position from which he was forced to resign due to over-zealousness. He stayed in Belgium to study art. The most famous work of his early Dutch period is the somber-toned painting The Potato Eaters.
Starry Night
As often happens with those weird free-wheeling artist types, not to mention pastors’ kids gone bad, Van Gogh became involved with one of his models, Clasina Maria Hoomik, known as ‘Sien‘, a former prostitute. She and her 2 children moved in with Vincent for a time, until Vincent’s brother Theo pressured Vincent to break off the relationship. Not long after, Margot Begemann fell in love with Vincent, but after opposition from both families, she attempted suicide, leaving Vincent very distraught. To further matters, Van Gogh was shortly accused of fathering the child of one of his models. He was shunned by the town and moved.
The Potato Eaters
In 1886 he moved back to Paris where he studied painting with Cormon and met Pisarro, Monet, and Gauguin (what a namedropper). It was at this point he began painting in lighter tones, using a more Impressionistic style, as he wormed his way into becoming a pioneer of Expressionism.
In Arles, France he’d hoped to meet with his friends and start an art school, cuz art schools are cool. Eventually Gauguin joined him there, but they didn’t get along and during an epileptic fit, Vincent came at Gauguin with a razor, but instead cut off part of his own earlobe. Another account says Van Gogh left the scene and cut off his entire ear flush with his head. A further account says Vincent cut off the earlobe, wrapped it in newspaper and gave it to a prostitute named Rachel, asking her to “keep this object carefully”. (Happy Valentine’s Day.) Vincent’s fits of madness worsened and he was sent to the asylum in Saint-Remy for treatment. It was during his stay at the asylum that he painted The Starry Night, often considered his magnum opus.
In 1890, after showing improvement, he was released from the asylum and went to live in Auvers-sur-Oise. Within a few weeks, he shot himself to death “for the good of all.” He was 37. During his short life he produced over 2000 paintings and drawings, but sold only one.
Chalk another one up for creative type goes nuts, fails at relationships, and kills himself.
7 Things You Should Know About Vincent Van Gogh
1. He’s considered a pioneer of the Expressionist Movement
2. His most famous painting, Starry Night, was painted while he was in an insane asylum
3. He cut off at least part of his ear
4. Served as a missionary for a time in a coal-mining district of Belgium
5. He had a close relationship with his brother Theo, who supported Vincent financially for many years
6. He walked into a field and shot himself in the chest. He died 2 days later.
7. He was a heavy absinthe drinker
Check out other Bachelor Profiles of woe and related reads:
Bachelor Profiles: Sherlock Holmes
Bachelor Profiles: Mad King Ludwig
Bachelor Profiles: The Bachelor President
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Secrets Of The Modern Bachelor:
Part 2. Dating Habits
by Jonathan Bogart Perry
In my last post, Secrets Of The Modern Bachelor: Part 1. Why Are They Single?, we met the members of our esteemed bachelor panel who told us they’re single for reasons other than that they‘re mutants and lazy. Their answers ranged from being too busy for relationships, to taking time off from them, to fear, to just not being ready to settle down. One bachelor has the fake name Raoul, which I very much like for a fake name (I came up with it, cuz it‘s my study).
In the following paragraphs, we find out about their dating habits, as if they’re rats to be studied. We also tackle the pros and cons of singleness and the bachelors’ interactions with couples.
Types and Frequency of Dating
When asked about dating frequency, our bachelors had a large range. One dated regularly, perhaps once every ten days to two weeks on average. Another dated a few times a year, dating one woman for several months at a time. The last two guys had only been on a few dates ever in their lives. Some of the guys who didn’t really like the stress of dating, only dated when they were seriously interested in a woman. They considered themselves to be super-picky.
One lucky bachelor had actually been set up on a blind date and was about to go on a rare follow-up date, but didn’t really expect much from it because the first date hadn’t gone so hot. I’m not quite sure how they wrangled that second date. The other guys hadn’t been set up on blind dates, with one thinking he wouldn’t take it very seriously, while another had so far refused the set-up date, only allowing for it under the strictest conditions that it’s a well-trusted friend who’s a very good salesperson that arranges this uncomfortable, though well-vetted, set-up.
The questions I was interested in the most were about online dating: had the bachelors dated online and what were their experiences? Online dating is something I’ve considered (Sort of. Not really.), but I definitely wanted some good feedback first from the poor guinea pig saps who‘ve already tried it. James H thought online dating was ok, but preferred personal introductions from friends. He pointed out how easy it is to lie on a profile or use fake or old pictures. Nathan hadn’t tried online dating, but had the same concerns. Josh had tried it, wasn’t impressed by it, and said he’d never do it again. Raoul didn’t think he’d ever use it, citing the differences between online and real life.
James S was more positive. He’d dated online and didn’t think it was bad. He thought it was useful for eliminating people with whom he had nothing in common without blowing 50 bucks on a doomed date. He thinks more people should try it because he’s found good platonic friends that way, but questioned whether one could find a soul mate through online dating.
Advantages and Disadvantages to Singleness
I next asked the dudes about the advantages and disadvantages of being a bachelor, knowing that freedom has a price. The gentlemen agreed. For advantages, they liked not having to edit themselves for someone else and not being concerned about how something they do affects their mate. They cited having more free time and being able to do whatever, whenever, and wherever they pleased. Keeping their own schedule was popular concept. James S noted with particular relish that singleness exempted one from Valentine’s Day purchases and rituals.
Of course, there were some noted minor drawbacks to not being in a relationship. Among the guys, general loneliness and lack of physical contact were big negatives (Sex, smooching, and heavy petting were mentioned. And actually in those words.). The gentlemen missed not being able to tell their problems to a romantic partner, though other platonic friends could fill in as confidants in a pinch. Josh generally liked to be able to talk to a significant other and also wanted to have someone he could admire and be concerned about and who would reciprocate those things. Among the guys, other disadvantages were having to start over with a new relationship, worrying about what other people thought of them and their pathetic states, and not having children. All of the guys hoped to have relationships in the future and had no intention to join holy orders.
Interactions With Couples
As for strange interactions with couples, James H noted how he disliked it when his friends had to check with their spouses or girlfriends before they did anything. He actually felt bad for his coupled friends with the ball-and-chains. One bachelor noted the pity he received from couples and how their efforts to assuage his feelings by saying “Aaawww. It’s ok. You’ll find someone, too.” only made him feel worse.
In Conclusion
So what do these bachelor insights tell us about the single male? First, besides being mutants, they‘re probably shy or super-laid back (read ‘lazy or busy playing World of Warcraft‘). Second, I’m probably not the first person to go to if you want to collect solid scientific or psychological data. Third, I don’t have nearly as many single male friends as I thought I had. And that’s probably ok because that means there’s less competition for the ladies (I really don‘t envy all those extra bachelors in China. Seriously? A woman shortage? That was really bad planning unless it‘s part of a deeper intermarriage plot to take over the world, in which case that was amazing foresight.). It’s possible that more extensive personality testing could tell us whether more bachelors are phlegmatic and less motivated in general, but it is good to see that some of the bachelors are single by choice and still look forward to a future full of lovin‘, if only in a passive sort of way. I’m also thinking that if women want to find guys, they should start playing World of Warcraft.
The secret word is mutants.
Read These:
Bachelor Secrets 1- Why Are They Single?
Couples vs Singles: Socialization
Family Advice: A Reversal (Sort Of)
Changing Your Relationship Status On A Social-Networking Site
Which is Your Type? A Pseudo-Cosmo Quiz
Celebrity Crushes: The Girl Next Door
Celebrity Crushes: Is Elegance Elitist?
Subscribe to the Domesticated Bachelor through RSS or link to one of the buttons below! Do it!
