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Children, Braid Your Nosehairs

nosehair-trimmerby Jonathan B. Perry

A while back I was having a fascinating online conversation with my college friend Roland, who was teaching his fourth or fifth year of English in Taiwan as an excuse to avoid using his French Education degree or perhaps to avoid his family and friends in the states. He said he was thinking about coming back to the US, but didn’t know what he would do for work. I suggested he teach French to panhandlers and take a percentage of their tax-free panhandling (and perhaps inform them of the many great unemployment benefits that await them in France). It didn’t sway him. Then, out of the blue, Roland asked me if I trim my nose hairs. This was an abnormal question, although he is of French heritage. Anyway, it was a timely question since I had actually just started trimming my nose hairs in the last year or so.

I think nasal hair awareness month came shortly after my 30th birthday, when, in a fit of winter breathing, icicles attached to my snout like dangly Christmas ornaments. It seems odd that I’ve had to cut the hair on the top of my head for the last couple of decades, but only just now have the option to braid and/or color my nostril hair. I’m thinking I won’t color it green. Or red. That’s just me, though. Do whatever works for you.

Fortunately, Roland had the same affliction and we now have a special bond.  (Just to be confusing, Roland is back in the states and no longer teaches French and English to the unsuspecting children of Taipei. Now he’ll never get the chance to sneak in an instructional course in nostril hair braiding. In French.)

Oh, were you looking for bachelor relevance? Let’s say aging and grooming. Yeah, I’ll tag those.

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4 Responses to “Children, Braid Your Nosehairs”

  • Jay:

    My amazing brother noticed I had some nosehairbraids a couple years ago and bought me a trimmer (not nearly as fancy as the finger-shaped trimmer in the picture). I don’t use it nearly often enough (I forget). But when I do use it, I feel manly! and free! and sexy! But it makes me breathe differently for the first couple of days. Maybe that’s just me being more conscious because of the phantom nosehair sensations that occur after such a drastic amputation.

  • admin:

    Hah! Phantom nosehair! Such sacrifices.
    Sounds like the professional tool works as intended. My brother is so macho. I’m glad you weren’t offended!

  • Johanna:

    I am very proud of you John for trimming your little hairy bits instead of the optional braiding and coloring…that you could have done! Though I have to say pink nose hair would definitely garner you some attention.

    Frequently I see people with nasal or ear cavities that quite clearly house a roving band of ewoks. Cast-offs from Star Wars.

  • admin:

    Haha! Ewoks! Yes, the trimming is better than the ancientness of the nasal forest.