As I’m the last of the brothers to mate, I’ll be the last brother to mate with results (offspring), if I do. This alone isn’t that big of a deal. The big worry is that by the time I do have kids, the good names will all be taken. This is my real concern. Unfortunately, this makes me a bad sounding board, an untrustworthy critic, because when the siblings discuss possible names for their monsters, I may boo a good one that I want (like Matthew, which I can’t use because it would be redundant to have another Matthew Perry), while supporting the use of the name Birch (this one was real. Good dodge, Jay.). It’s too bad because I’d really enjoy discussing child names with family for hours, possibly minutes, on end (For some reason, I’ve had child name books for years, which seems a bit feminine and weird, now that I think about it. Hmm.).
The name scarcity problem didn’t present itself until about the end of college when it occurred to me that I was lagging behind in the mating race. It’s worse because I’m the oldest and should have done my part to help repopulate the empty planet nearly a decade ago. I have friends who started having kids right out of high school and now those kids are already in high school and this makes me feel old (and it also reminds me that the friends might be a little rednecky). If I ever do have children, which brings up another problem, I may be stuck with the names Rocky and Dennis, which alone are two good reasons for not reproducing. Apparently, I need to get with the program and post my classified ad. Fortunately, I only have 2 siblings and not 12. Also, if my younger brothers ever hurry up and get those vasectomies, then we can have this child name discussion without any problems, though I suspect the interest level will be lower by then.
Each year, the Department of Social Security lists the most popular baby names for that year. According to the Social Security records for 2004 (not sure why I picked 2004, but whatever), the most popular baby names were:
Rank Male Name Female Name
1 Jacob Emily
2 Michael Emma
3 Joshua Madison
4 Matthew Olivia
5 Ethan Hannah
6 Andrew Abigail
7 Daniel Isabella
8 William Ashley
9 Joseph Samantha
10 Christopher Elizabeth
Some of these name favorites surprise me, like Hannah and Abigail which bring to mind scarlet letters or Salem witch trials. It turns out most of the names I like aren’t overly used and are in the clear, which is fantastic (actually, I have a nice Google spreadsheet with all the names, in case I forget). One problem I have is picking a good name for a boy. I can think of 4 or 5 girl names right off the bat that I like, but if I can’t use Matthew, then I really only have 2.5 boy names that I like, but would want to use one as a middle name for another, so it would work out okay if I had one son, but I really want my options.
Rex & Rex come when called
Of course, there would be a spouse involved and I suppose she would want to have some say. Maybe.
What might be a smart idea is to get a few pets and start naming them the desired child names. This way my siblings can’t use the names while I have pets with these names, then by the time I have kids these pets will be dead or I can at least change the animal names or maybe both child and animal will come simultaneously when one name is called. I think this is swell plan, except I’d be stuck with more pets and, if you’re going to have pets, you might as well have children. They learn much better tricks.
Yo! Now you can be notified of follow up comments to your comments. Cool, huh? Couples vs Singles