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game-night-no-gameby Jonathan B. Perry

A while back I spent a whirlwind three day weekend with my brother Jay and his delightful wife and was completely amazed at their full social calendars.  In the few days I stayed in their home, we ate at other peoples’ homes on three different occasions and went out to eat with other people twice.  That’s five meals away from their home in a three day period.  I suspect that perhaps they didn’t want to be left alone with me (or didn‘t want to clean up after me.  You know, because of the food fights.).  I don’t blame them.  They even turned down other social invitations because, frankly, they do not have clones.

I find this whole socialization thing insane and unnatural and suspect it to be part of a secret pact they take as hipsters.  On my own, I might go several weeks, possibly months, without socially cavorting with anyone outside of work, let alone being invited over for a happy dinner of veggie tacos to be followed by a vigorous game of Scrabble or Cranium.  For my brother and his wife, their most social friends are, of course, other non-mutant, though slightly hipster, couples except for the occasional odd duck single person (me) to remind them how very nice it is to be coupled.  Also, I live a long 6.5 hours from them, so they have a pleasant buffer zone.couples-dinner_party-400wl

I see this sort of thing happening with my other friends as the single folk are gradually sucked into the vortex of institutions (marital and mental).  Some just drop off the face of the earth completely.  Because couples befriend and find safety in the company of other couples (after which couples with children find other couples with children), I’ve come to appreciate those rare occasions where I am invited to join in their reindeer games.  I even consider myself to be a valuable token single male friend useful for pity, as a fifth wheel, or, under duress, as a spare to even up a double or triple date.  I can understand, though, the reluctance of normal couples to socialize with single people as many of these folk are single longer for good reasons, exhibited by a healthy variety of mutational factors such as strange body growths, retarded social skills, and psychopathic personalities.  Not that you, my dear single reader, have any of these problems.

Studies have shown that single males have an easier time of being invited over socially to couples’ homes than do single females.  Part of this mad theory (I have no footnotes for this encouraging study and don‘t really believe it) is that the husband or boyfriend is potentially jealous of a single male while conversely a wife or girlfriend is jealous of a single female, but because the wife/girlfriend deals with the hospitality and does the inviting, fewer single females are invited over for happy social time, much to the sadness of the single women of the world.  Frankly, I notice no difference in my favor, but I‘m a guy.  What do I know?

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  • Heatherwood:

    I just want to rant and rave a little about the “couples” that disappear off the face of the earth once they have hooked up. I am one of those few married people that still likes to engage in social situations with my single or coupled friends (mostly without my husband…gasp), but I have been recently disturbed by the fact that my friends can no longer do anything without their significant others. There are no more Girls Night Outs, but rather Girls Night Out + attached husband/boyfriend/lover. Even though it is stated that this is an invite only soiree, I find my friends sneaking in their loved ones and then sucking face with them all night (finger down throat). What is happening in this world???

  • admin:

    It’s kind of weird to get that imbalance in the force. You’ll have to start hangin’ with the single girls, now.

  • Melinda:

    My favorite is when a member of a couple is suddenly without their partner and expects you to suddenly step up and be there to entertain them “because they’re all alone” No…it doesn’t make me angry. I guess it’s better than being a perpetual third wheel?

  • johanna:

    You can always be our 3, 4th, 12 wheel (depending on how much damaging procreation I do) but you are always in charge of bringing the taco salad :-)

  • admin:

    Well, Melinda, you are entertaining. So it’s partly your fault.

  • admin:

    That procreation talk sounded like a threat! Does the dude know?
    Oh, & taco salad, huh? Just give me a few wks heads up & I’ll be good.

  • My son is a firefighter for Miami-Dade. At your age he was lovin’ being a bachelor. He’s good looking, great cook and was always throwing week-end parties, house full of women, lots of fun.

    Now he’s 42, makes good money, nice home, etc. and has decided he doesn’t want to be a bachelor. It’s just not happening for him. Got any advice?

  • admin:

    Ah, firefighter. I hear women go wackadoodle for firemen. Some people say that if you’re determined enough & really work on it you can make it happen. Sounds like he’s off to a good start meeting women & throwing parties. Maybe he’ll find 1 that he really likes who he can trick. Best of luck to him.