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When Does Middle Age Begin?

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Tree Pruner or Medieval Weapon?

treepruner2by Jonathan B. Perry

Saturday night I went into Ace Hardware to use my $5 birthday gift card before it expired (I’m on their mailing list).  I dragged my car the 3 minutes through the snow and ice with the single purpose of buying a tree pruner, one of those telescoping tree pruners for high spots in your tree that you can’t reach with the regular clippers.  Now, in December I actually climbed one of my trees to trim it, but that didn‘t feel so safe and I was a bit lightheaded after coming down.  I’m not the monkey I used to be.  Ace has 3 telescoping pruner models and even though there was a big price gap between the 8 foot and the 12 foot models, I went with the more expensive 12 foot pruner and can’t wait for it to warm up just a little so I can pretty-up my trees.

Taking my long pruner down from the display, it occurred to me how much this felt like a medieval weapon.  This was perhaps why I dawdled in the store a little longer, walking up and down the aisles, either feeling like a guard with a spear or a horseless jouster.  jousting2It was pretty excellent.  I even ran into an old friend who was shopping for a drill bit (I won’t say anything about tool size comparison).  The cashier asked a bit sarcastically if she could bag it up for me.  It felt great to finally get this excellent gardening tool-weapon to add to my arsenol of domestication.

I remember using the telescoping pruner on my grandparents’ property in CA over the years.  They had walnut trees, oaks, and eucalyptus, mostly.  They’ve since sold the grand old acreage, much to everyone’s great sadness, but I bet they still have their tree pruner.  They still have trees.  They still like tools.  They’re still alive.

8 Responses to “Tree Pruner or Medieval Weapon?”

  • Jay:

    I always did feel like the jousting lances were just a Freudian substitute… and an overcompensation of sorts.

  • Podunk:

    You’re thinking of a polearm, or more specifically a Fauchard, rather than a spear. Your life will be enriched by knowing this.

  • admin:

    Hmm. Perhaps this has even greater implications for Renaissance Festivals.

  • admin:

    Wow! Josh has TOO much information. And has possibly being hanging with medieval French dudes. Does that mean there’s a time machine involved?

  • admin:

    Actually, Josh, it is cool you know that. Weird excessive knowledge.

  • Johanna:

    nothing sexier then watching a man use a pruner….:-)

  • Podunk:

    I knew polearm. (I played a hunter in World of Warcraft, but I’ve kicked that habit now.) For the rest, it’s this thing called the Internet. The question is, is it worse to have known the details, or to have looked them up? Before you answer, you should know that there are several flavors of polearm, but I had to find the one that was sharp on the concave side only.

    I’m going to go sleep now.

  • Jay:

    …except maybe watching a woman use a polearm.