by Jonathan B. Perry
Earlier we talked about types of crushworthy women, specifically the Elegant type and the Girl Next Door (GND) type (later I mention how Smart Girls are intimidating). While these two types seem to be my favorites, there are several other types that have great qualities and should be given serious consideration.
Funny- The funny girl always seems to know how to inject hilarity into the mundane. She’s almost a comedienne without a gig, amusing her friends instead.
Quirky– The quirky girl is much like the funny girl, though perhaps less definable as funny or less aware that she is. She’s a little strange in an interesting way, maybe a touch nerdy and unselfconscious. She may have odd habits or hobbies.
Smart– The smart girl has a high IQ and is a good person to ask if you want to know certain data. She may correct your grammar from time to time. She also may have a few graduate degrees.
Sporty– The Sporty girl is of course athletic, playing in city leagues or with friends, often taking mountain climbing expeditions or hiking trips. Her body is often in peak physical condition which is good for everyone (except maybe the other girls).
Sexpot– The sexpot is overtly sexy, being fully aware of her physical hotness and manifesting it through obvious flirtiness, whether in actions or dress. The Sexpot often walks the line with being slutty.
Bad Girl– The Bad Girl will often take up that slutty mantle, but may be bad in more criminal and dangerous sorts of ways. She often gets a rush by doing illegal things like shoplifting, or doing bad things like sleeping with her best friend’s boyfriend.
Girl Next Door– The GND is easy to talk to, normal and approachable, kind of innocent, but may also be hot and not really know it. She seems like someone who might be tricked into dating a regular guy.
Elegant– The Elegant woman maintains a certain charming dignity about her. This is exhibited not only by her fine dress, but through the grace, class, and decorum maintained in everyday activities.
The pseudo-Cosmo quiz below, which is super-non-scientific, has been designed to help you find out what type of woman you like (if you’re male) or what type of woman you are (If you’re female. Or, if you’re a guy, you can take the quiz from the perspective of which type of woman you are or would be. See how versatile this is?). Score your response to each question on a scale of 1 to 5 (with 1 being what you dislike and 5 being what you most like), then add up the total for each type. The closer you get to 20 points in one type, the more you like that type (or are that type). See the scoring key below. I’m sure other types have been left out, but this isn’t scientific and I’m not uber masochistic. Thanks to Melinda’s good-looking friend Emily for the great suggestion. I’ll never do this again.
1. She craves and seeks adoration for her body.
2. She often amuses her friends in regular conversation.
3. She likes to dress well at all times.
4. She might have a collection of pretty rocks.
5. She’s likely to be in a book club.
6. She likes to mountain climb.
7. She spray paints graffiti on the overpass.
8. She might be considered a pal/friend to a guy.
9. She often dresses revealingly.
10. She might engage in practical jokes.
11. She’s seen to be particularly classy.
12. She plays the xylophone in a rock band.
13. She’s good at giving advice.
14. She works out at the gym regularly.
15. She gets a rush from shoplifting lipstick.
16. She has an innocent manner about her.
17. She sleeps with a lot of guys.
18. She rarely gives a serious answer.
19. She gives charming dinner parties.
20. She names her pet turtles after classic movie stars.
21. She speaks philosophically about mundane things.
22. She’s often invited to play sand volleyball.
23. She slept with her best friend’s boyfriend.
24. The neighbor boy saw her as a good friend for years before really liking her.
25. She flashes her breasts at Mardi Gras or just whenever.
26. She has a secret ambition to be a comedian.
27. She embodies the upper class.
28. She makes Star Wars models.
29. She may have advanced educational degrees.
30. She catches most games on tv when she doesn’t go to them in person.
31. She enjoys breaking rules and laws.
32. She’s often seen as the perfect girl to take home to the folks.
Scoring Key: Sexpot-#s 1,9,17,25; Funny-#s 2,10,18,26; Elegant-#s 3,11,19, 27; Quirky-#s 4,12,20,28; Smart-#s 5,13,21,29; Sporty-#s 6,14,22,30; Bad-#s 7,15,23,31; Girl Next Door-#s 8,16,24,32
How did you score? Which is your type? Quit asking what I look like in drag.
The secret word is tranny.
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