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11 Steps To Becoming A Domesticated Bachelor: #4. Learn To Cook

omeletby Jonathan B. Perry
Women seem to like it when a man can cook.  It takes some of the cooking responsibility off of her, if you ever get a woman who is willing to cook for you besides your mom, but it can also be useful if you’re preparing a romantic dinner for two (not for your mom). It can really be as easy as learning to cook a few favorite main dishes, some side dishes, and vegetables. Pick a few of your favorites and learn how to cook them from your mom, a cookbook, or from Martha Stewart’s evil website.

You might do well to familiarize yourself with difficult cooking terms, which are usually in a gibberish known as French, as well as measuring items, which often use the metric system you never learned. Learn to sauté, braise, or broil. Know your measuring spoons, cups, and pinches. If you’re feeling cocky, write your own recipes by making variations of other normal dishes with your own special ingredients after having experimented and deciding they‘re not poisonous. Other bachelor friends are good as tasters largely because they have nothing else to do (they‘re also expendable competition, so if they die, there is an upside). I keep reading in men’s magazines that one should know how to make an omelet (and perhaps spell it omelette) and this makes sense because if you have the basics down, you can add whichever ingredients you like (tomatoes, onions, peppers) and adjust for a guest (goat cheese, valium). Keep a fire extinguisher handy.

Not only will these cooking skills be good for romantic meals (again, not your mother), but they’ll come in handy in your bachelor life where you have no one else to cook for you, because you‘re actually a psycho-hermit. I somehow managed to burn my spaghetti noodles this week, so it’s not really looking good. Also, knowing how to cook will be useful if you ever throw a party or host a dinner for a group of friends. Chyeah. As if this would ever happen.

The secret word is metric.

Step #1. The Bachelor Pad

Step #2. The Right Wardrobe

Step #3. Shape Up, Fatty

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11 Responses to “11 Steps To Becoming A Domesticated Bachelor: #4. Learn To Cook”

  • Jay:

    Kendra and I did a lot of cooking together when we were just getting together (i.e. I was still a bachelor). We taught each other family recipes, tried out new recipes together (pasta from scratch, etc), and tried to figure out metric cooking together (you want me to measure sugar in grams?). It was fun and exciting. We were creating something together.

    So I suggest that you find a (single) woman who can cook and ask her to teach you (again, not your mother). You’re learning bachelor step #3, you’re spending regular time with a single woman, and you’re having to keep your bachelor pad clean (step #1) so you can have her over for the lessons. Very devious. Do it. Do it now!

    P.S. When she’s teaching you to cook, you have to really try to get it right. The helpless ploy only works so long.

  • admin:

    Awesome tip, brother! Sounds like a great interactive date thing. I knew my uselessness would come in handy someday.

  • Jay:

    sorry, I meant “You’re learning bachelor step #4”

  • Heatherwood:

    I truly believe that any woman would be utterly impressed and awed if you suprised her with a romantic dinner that you made all by yourself! I think they offer cooking classes at SCC…maybe that would be a good place to pick up some chicks!

  • Johanna:

    Yea, I once dumped this guy…among his many unbalanced problems his lesser one is the only thing he could cook was eggs…not very well. No style, no class…no culinary depth. He made vast critical generalizations about my cooking, mostly in the negative sector.

    Ok, you can’t cook at 26….don’t insult my dang cooking….seriously, needed to add Valium to little turd’s eggs. Might have balanced him out.

    I could list the “little turds” other issues but don’t feel like publishing and encyclopedia. Worst relationship ever!

    I dumped him and selected a husband who can cook and was not stupid enough to insult the food I make and put in front of him.

  • Jay:

    This looks like it was totally created with the bachelor in mind. Batter Blaster.


  • admin:

    Funny. Almost looks like a joke, but from the video comments it appears to be real.

  • P.M.Chin:

    A guy who can cook is a wonderful thing, but a guy who cleans up after he cooks is better. Guys, cooking for a woman may be romantic but doing the dishes afterwords…that is just dead sexy.

    When I was learning to cook, I found the Food Network a great education. Probably the coolest show for guys to watch about cooking is Alton Brown’s show Good Eats. Another show that focuses on learning basic cooking skills is How to Boil Water with Tyler Florence.

  • admin:

    You know, I have a dishwasher, so…
    The Food Network has some great stuff. I like the cake show. And Giada is kind of hot.

  • admin:

    Oh, and I can stack & fill that thing like nobody’s business. 😛

  • P.M.Chin:

    A man who can fill the dishwasher and isn’t afraid to let you know. Who says romance is dead?