by Jonathan B. Perry
I’m not one of those guys who is big on the celebrity crushes, but sometimes it will occur to me that this actress is striking in a special way or that actress/singer/model/heiress has something I find extra swell. After carefully evaluating my favorite female celebrities with colorful graphs and misguided psycho-analysis, I’ve found I have a preference for those who generally fall into two categories: the Girl Next Door and Elegant.
The Girl Next Door (GND) type and the Elegant type are two fairly common types for a crush, but other types of women for whom one might crush include Sexpot, Bad Girl, Funny, Quirky, Smart, and Sporty. This female grouping thing is basically a Spice Girl game (or female 7 Dwarfs for my Disney-cum-World of Warcraft friends) wherein each girl represents a different personality generalization. Women in these other types may be excellent, but don’t resonate as much with me (Funny and Quirky do, but less on a celebrity level), possibly because I’m most drawn to women with whom I could see myself, and for me those women are mostly elegant or like the girl next door.
The Girl Next Door (GND) is easy to talk to. The two of you could spend a fun Sunday in the park together feeding ducks (to pigeons) and throwing around the frisbee or you might enjoy taking a nice stroll downtown to window shop, especially if you’re impoverished. Having grown up with the GND you feel very comfortable with her, but above all, she’s someone who’s human and pretty hot at the same time. Also, the girl next door seems like someone who might be tricked into dating you. This is perhaps the main thing. For those of us who like this type of girl, a good arch-type is Jenna Fischer‘s character, Pam Beasley on The Office. She’s good-looking, but doesn’t really know it and is maybe a little shy, but friendly and very approachable.
Evangeline Lilly’s character Kate on LOST used to have this GND type nailed, being all cute and innocent and freckly, but as the show has progressed, her character has been revealed to be a wily criminal, so flawed, in fact, that it moves her into the Bad Girl category and out of the center of my broken heart (country song to follow). Other good GND types include Gretchen Mol from Life On Mars (US), French actress Audrey Tautou who starred in Amelie, the late Natalie Wood (who splits time with Elegant), Anna Friel who played Chuck in Pushing Daisies, and, of course, Natalie Portman. Of course.
My uncle John and I were recently expressing our great appreciation for the super-excellent Samantha Brown who has shows on the Travel Channel. She embodies the Funny category and still works the GND (ooh, combo-types are extra special). Giada De Laurentiis, with shows on the Food Network, actually looks a little like Natalie Portman. She’s great and wouldn’t mind you eating garlic around her. It seems evident from this list that I watch a bit too much television and should be loaded with celebriphile shame. But where else would I go? Politics?
In reality, the closest I come to having a crush on a real girl next door, at the moment anyway, is the blogger Brigitte Dale who, until recently, lived in the same Midwest town in which I live.
I haven’t actually met her, but I think she’s swell. Her video blogs are adorable and she has a smart and quirky writing style which I think is very endearing and funny. Brigitte seems to fit the GND category well by coming across as an approachable hometown girl who’s really darn pretty. Of course, she is a writer, so it is possible she could be a devious bunny shaver by night.
Next time we’ll look at the Elegant Women. As if we had a shot.
(Oh, we’ve had 30,000 hits now! In less than 3weeks!! Thank you. So much love.)
The secret word is trickery.
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