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My 25 Humanoid Things: A Peer-Induced List

by Jonathan B. Perry

(From a social-networking list everyone is doing.  Silly Rabbits)

1.  I’ve discovered that, even though I had skin cancer removed at age 20, I shouldn’t suggest to any random stranger that they ‘should get that thing checked’.
2.  I got my 2 year old nephew to say “Have mercy upon us, oh great Uncle Jonathan!”  He did it!  It was spectacular, but he knew something was off.
3.  As kids, my brother Jay & I sang a duet in front of about 2000 people.  When I missed my entrance in the middle of the song, i started laughing uncontrollably & ducked behind the stand.  Jay soon followed.  The audience laughed.  The emcee was livid.
4.  My uncle, cousins & I missed the sleeper train going from Prague to Munich & had to sleep in the Prague train station with gypsies & drug dealers.  We slept very little.
5.  I took the SAT when I was in 7th grade, but it turned out I was only marginally special.
6.  My voice changed as I practiced the lead for the 7th grade musical.  Started learning it as an alto, performed it as a baritone.
7.  I’ve written 2 books & started 2 others and published not a blessed thing.  The 1st book is a satire called “The Gentle Art of Starting A Cult:  A Do-It-Yourself Guide”.
8.  I took probably ten years of piano lessons, but play abominably.
9.  On a visit to San Francisco as a teenager, I believe I was mistaken for a male prostitute.  Stood on a corner a little too long.  I suppose I looked pretty good.
10. Once, in a panic before family came to visit, I placed several dirty dishes in a large trash bag and put the bag in the shared laundry room where they would be out of sight when the family came.  Weeks later I remembered those orphan dishes, but when I went to retrieve them they were gone.  It seems my neighbor who shared the laundry room took them for trash and discarded them.  This was in my old apartment and before I had a dishwasher.
11.  My cat died on the catsitter while I was in Taiwan (not literally ‘on’ the sitter).  Poor Kari the catsitter.  Poor Callie the calico kitty.
12.  In church last Christmas someone asked if my younger brother Jay, who was standing behind me, was my dad.  Could it be more awesome?!  I’m much more grey than Jay, though.
13.  My dad’s dad was a bigamist.
14.  Sometimes I wonder how long it would be before someone finds my body in the event I die alone in my house.
15.  I’ve made a list of potential baby names.  I’m not dating anyone.  I’m nervous about discussing the names with my brothers in case they poach them.  I am a guy.  Really.
16.  While members of the Waco (TX) Boys’ Choir, my brother Jay & I got to meet and sing with the Vienna Boys’ Choir.
17.  I sang an alto solo from Handel’s Messiah at the Opera House in Saltillo Mexico when I was 11 or 12.  I didn’t have chapstick on that trip & my chapped lips got bright red.  I was later chosen to tour Europe with a select choir, but that trip was canceled when the International director was arrested for child molestation.
18.  I’m writing a Christmas cantata using Latin & older English verse.  My music theory is rusty.
19.  I’m left-handed & apparently right-brained, which blends well with the pseudo-ADD, a touch of insanity, a dash of depression, & a Swiss cheese brain to create a tasty souffle of dysfunction.
20.  I was born in Redding, CA, delivered by grandpa’s partner.  I ruined the doctor’s new blue suede shoes.  It was for the good of humanity.
21.  If I’d been a girl, my name would have been Jennifer Lynn Perry.  Jay’s would have been Lori Ann (right?) & Christopher would have been Crystal Noel.  I’m a pretty pretty princess.
22.  My brothers and I are apparently related to Benjamin Franklin & Andrew Johnson (illiterate president that followed Lincoln).  My great-grandfather was supposed to have been an Ojibway/Chippewa Indian chief.
23.  I’ve seen the movie ‘Groundhog Day’ on my birthday, which is on Groundhog Day.  (That’s coming up, by the way, and my favorite color is money.)
24.  In college, my brother Jay & I had an a capella trio with Drew Hickman.  We called ourselves the Tritones & sang doo wop & Christian music.  I wrote or arranged most of the Christian music.  We performed at schools, churches, and banquets, but mostly to exchange students.  The name of my non-existent rock band is The Musgrave Ritual.
25.  I’m bothered when the word nauseous is used in place of nauseated.  Nauseated means to feel ill.  Nauseous means to make ill, as in “That nauseous stench is making me nauseated”.  Unfortunately, nauseous is now allowed secondarily because it’s been misused so much.  I think dictionaries should be more prescriptive instead of willy-nilly describing all possible uses because someone once used it this way, which happens to have been incorrect.  I have similar feelings about the incorrect uses of I and me.

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3 Responses to “My 25 Humanoid Things: A Peer-Induced List”

  • Ashley:

    Thank you for the clarification on #25. I did not know that. It bothers me when people say, “. . . for my brother and I,” but I bet I’ve used “nauseous” incorrectly myself. Oh, well. Now I know. And knowing is half the battle.

  • Rachel Trabelsi:

    Hey, I just stumbled on your website. You are the coolest dude! My sister lives in Lincoln I am going to see if you can meet. She is not the dating/marring type but she is so cool and older and does so much fun stuff. Her name is Cecilia Rossiter she lives on 39th street I think. You could look her up. So love your website!!!